Crooks and Cruise Ships/Seward Park/Fri March 10/12:08 pm: A woman who lives on South Lucile St reported that for the past three years, unknown suspects have somehow entered her home (bypassing her hi-tech alarm system and leaving no signs of forced entry) and stolen clothing, jewelry, and cosmetics. She has no idea who these suspects are, but believes they may be gang members. She said that during a recent vacation cruise, where she enjoyed the sea and sun, members of this indefatigable gang (they followed her onto the cruise ship!) entered her cabin and stole some of her shoes and swimwear. Although Officer Mazziotti took this report seriously, he advised the victim that "with the information she provided, it would be highly unlikely anything would develop at this point, unless further evidence appeared."

If There Is a God/Capitol Hill/Fri March 17/2:00 pm: This afternoon, a hardworking airport security guard parked his handsome 1998 Ford Contour in a parking space in an alley west of Bellevue Ave at around 2 pm. When he returned to his reliable automobile eight hours later, his heart jumped: Someone had shattered the rear passenger window into a billion bits. He looked inside his violated vehicle and to his amazement discovered that his King James Bible, which was in a black leather case, and seven gospel tapes were all missing from the glove compartment. Though Officer Biggs, the reporting officer for this unholy crime, carefully dusted the Ford for fingerprints, he found none of any real value, so now it's up to Him to catch this insolent bible thief.

Evidence of Bad Music/Pioneer Square/Sat March 18/12:49 pm: When Mimi, a Boeing employee from Bothell, returned to her car in a parking garage on Yesler Way, she found its soft top had been "unzipped and unsnapped." Panicking, she looked inside her car and saw that these items were missing from the front seat: miscellaneous personal papers, a leather purse, a jacket, a wallet, a Nokia cellular phone, credit cards, and debit cards. The thief, however, not sharing her taste in music, left her tapes: Erasure, Slaughter, Firehouse, Bon Jovi, and Christina Aguilera. Officer Manning (who wondered why someone would leave their valuables in a car that "has no lock and [is only] secured [by] a zipper and some snaps") took these tapes and placed them into evidence, with a request for fingerprint analysis.

Hamburgers and Fingerprints/Cascade/Mon March 20/12:01 pm: Shortly after midnight, the manager of the Burger King on Valley Street was leaving the restaurant for the evening when two strangers with scarves over their mouths met him at the door. One of them pulled out a pistol and ordered him back into the store. The manager refused. A struggle ensued. The second scarved suspect struck the manager over the head with something hard. The two men then forced the moaning Burger King employee into the back of the store, and ordered him to open the safe. This time he did as he was told. The two men then went through the cash drawers, bagging rolled coins, thick wads of cash, and anything that shined. While they greedily emptied the safe, one of them struck the Burger King manager twice on the head with a pistol. At this point, the manager blacked out. The scarved men continued to fill their bags with money, and when they were done, they pulled the phone off the wall, hit the manager over the head one more time for good measure, and departed into the night. When the manager regained consciousness, he ran across the street and called the cops. Officer Swank was able to recover fresh fingerprints from the cash drawers, the damaged Conair telephone, and a Sharp calculator.

Support The Stranger

Sponsored