The Fact of the Vibrating Bed/West Seattle/Fri Nov 7/11:38 am: Officer Meyst reports: "I was dispatched to 26th Avenue Southwest to assist the public. Radio advised that the complainant, a blind elderly male, had called 911 to report that his neighbor was pointing a device at his bed and making it vibrate. I contacted the complainant at his residence and he stated that the man living across from him somehow makes his bed move whenever he wakes up and that this has been occurring for the past six years. Complainant said that he did not know the man's name or the exact address. Complainant could only tell me that it's the house with the satellite dish on the roof. He showed me this bed that suspiciously shakes whenever he wakes up. The bed is not operated electronically in any way, nor did I see anything that would make it move... As I was leaving, I did not see a satellite dish on any of the houses across the street."

We must admire this police officer. Instead of dismissing the incident, s/he actually checks to see if any part of reality fits with the shape of the blind man's story. The blind man says his bed vibrates; the officer checks to see if one or many electronic devices are attached to the bed. There are no devices. The blind man says the suspect uses a satellite dish to control his bed from a distance; as the officer leaves the house, s/he checks to see if there are any satellite dishes in the area. There are none. Nothing in reality fits the story. On one side, there is reality—on the other side, what is in the old man. No bridge exists between the two domains. The officer made sure of this fact and then left to his/her next assignment. That is what I call police work.

The Trouble with Internet Shoes/Bellevue/Fri Nov 7/8:15 pm: Officer Bowns: "At 2057 hours, I was dispatched to investigate a harassment call. Victim ran a Craigslist add to sell a pair of shoes. At 1840 hours, she spoke with the buyer. They agreed to meet at Bellevue Square at 2000 hours. Victim got lost while en route and the buyer called at 2005 hours. They spoke and victim explained she was lost. At 2014 hours, the buyer called and left a message. I listened to that message. The unidentified suspect called the victim a cunt and promised that he would hunt her down and cram the shoes up her ass. The victim said the buyer does not know where she lives nor her full name. He does have her number."

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One wants to see these troublesome shoes. Why? Because one wants to know how something you put on your feet can cause so much trouble, can fuel so much anger, can generate all of this internet and cellular-phone activity, as well as instigate a big appointment at night in the middle of a city. A pair of shoes can do all of this? What do these shoes look like? recommended

charles@thestranger.com