Fingers of Doom/Downtown/Fri April 27/12:05 pm: Soon after Officer Cook parked on Lenora St, a man wearing blue jeans and a blue shirt walked up to Cook and announced that he could kick a three-inch deep dent into the side of the police car. Officer Cook calmly suggested that he not kick the police car. The man then informed Officer Cook that he could kill a policeman by attaching some kind of metal implement to his fingers and stabbing the officer in the eyes. No longer calm, Officer Cook suggested that he not make threats against a police officer. The blue-jeans man ignored this suggestion and "re-explained his officer-killing tactic." The man finally got what he desired: a rough brush with the law. Officer Cook brought him down and placed hard handcuffs on his spasmodic hands.

The Mike Tyson Quartet/Central District/Sun April 29/4:42 am: Minutes before the dark blue light of the rising sun appeared along the horizon, four black men were driving around the city in a haze of marijuana smoke. Their car, which was a rented Taurus, came to the attention of the law when it signaled to make a turn on 22nd Ave and then almost failed to make the turn. For a moment, the car was in the left lane of the street, and this prompted Officer D. Strangeland to turn on his siren and make contact with the black suspects. At this point of the report, Police Beat can't help but recall Sir Mix-A-Lot's splendid rap song "My Hooptie," which describes a similar incident in which the cop stops the car, looks at the black suspects through the window, and thinks, "Damn, they all look like Tyson."

Though there's no way of telling if Officer Strangeland ever thought something like, "Damn, they all look like Tyson," he was definitely unhappy about the blue marijuana smoke that drifted out of the Taurus' windows. He asked the high driver for his license, and the driver produced a learner's permit. Officer Strangeland read the name on the permit and immediately recognized it in connection with the Mardi Gras riots. The black suspect was taken into custody, and a series of photographs were taken of the other three black males simply because of "their association with the suspect."

The Lorry with Liquid Latex/Northgate/Sun April 29/11:03 pm: Officer Davidson was on the intersection of Roosevelt Way NE and NE Northgate Way when he saw white liquid pouring out of the back of a truck, like milk from a squeezed breast. Officer Davidson stopped the truck and asked the driver if he knew about the milky substance flowing out of the back of his truck. The suspect slapped his forehead and said he had forgotten to close the cap on a latex additive mixture for cement. He then stated that the substance was harmless to vehicle paint and could be easily washed off with soap and warm water. "The liquid in that container," reported Officer Davidson in conclusion, "looks like [milk] to the distant and untrained eye. [Nevertheless such milky substances can make] the street slippery and dangerous."

The Forsaken New Yorker/Downtown/Mon April 30/5:06 pm: Officer Lancaster was flagged down by a King County corrections officer. The corrections officer pointed to a light-blue 1986 Chrysler New Yorker that was illegally parked on the south side of Jefferson St, making it difficult for members of the corrections staff to transport their busloads of criminals in and out of the facility. Officer Lancaster walked over to the New Yorker and saw that it was indeed illegally parked. Officer Lancaster then tried to track the license plate on the cop computer, but there was no information on the car. It had no owner, no past, and therefore was a stray vehicle with no future. The New Yorker was impounded for life.