The Firms/West Seattle/Sun June 10/12:58 am: A few weeks ago, a West Seattle woman met a Bellevue man in an online chat room and agreed to meet him for a blind date. During the date, the Bellevue man admitted that he was a telemarketer. After the date, the woman stopped answering the Bellevue man's phone calls and electric letters. Naturally, the telemarketer called and e-mailed her again and again. But she refused to see or speak to the telemarketer again. At this point, the Bellevue man turned evil. He asked a comrade in Burien, who is a computer hacker, to harass and humiliate the woman. The hacker then sent the woman a computer message stating that he was going to contact the Department of Licensing and change the name on her vehicle. He also told her he was going to see to it that she received a $24,000 phone bill, and that he had access to her home alarm's computer system and so could set it off or shut it down whenever he liked.
This morning, the woman received a mysterious, crackling phone message, which originated from a telemarketing firm. A few minutes later, she attempted to log on to her computer but couldn't due to external interference. The woman now believes that the Bellevue telemarketer and Burien computer hacker have access to her system, and will follow through with their wicked plan of accessing and tampering with her personal information. The woman told Officer Mazzuca that she was frightened by both suspects, who, by nature and profession, are dedicated souls. Officer Mazzuca instructed the victim to change her telephone number.
The Great Transformation/Sand Point/Tues June 12/10 am: A woman was walking her dog on the upper pathways of Matthews Beach Park. At the top of the pathway stood the suspect. He was standing next to a table and throwing bird feed on the ground. The woman approached the suspect and asked if he would stop throwing feed because children were playing nearby. At this point, the suspect threw manure at her.
(The report fails to explain two things: one, why throwing bird feed is a bad thing to do in the presence of children; two, how the bird feed suddenly transformed into manure. We have lazy Officer Brown to thank for these massive omissions.)
The woman was alarmed by this act of aggression; the suspect was totally indifferent. The woman stormed back down the pathway, entered the parking lot, and wrote down the suspect's license number. Later, after she cleaned up, she called the police to report the incident.
The Return of Timothy McVeigh/Lake Union/Tues June 12/1:25 pm: The alarm at Seattle's Best Karaoke erupted after hours. When Officer Hall and his partner arrived at the business to investigate the cause of the alarm, they found a drunken man sleeping on a couch. The man was arrested and read what Officer Hall called his "Miranda Warnings." Officer Hall then transported the suspect to the West Precinct for arrest processing. At the precinct, the suspect stated, "Why am I under arrest? I didn't do nothing. I just went to sober up and sleep it off. You guys are treating me like Timothy McVeigh." Officer Hall informed the suspect that he was under arrest for criminal trespassing and not conspiracy, terrorism, and murder.
