PREDICTIONS

路 Next month there will be no mention of Nine Inch Nails in Fits & Bursts.

路 Next month there will be no mention of Nine Inch Nails on the Billboard Charts. Trent sinks like a stone.

路 The Breakroom will get a decent ventilation system, donated by Trent Reznor.

路 Everyone will discover Gordon Biersch as a venue. Despite its marginal status as an upscale Olive Garden and its odd Pacific Place location, they've been booking local treasures like Pete Krebs, Marc Olsen, and Ken Stringfellow to play for nearly three hours at a time. Stringfellow even mingles with the crowd during his breaks. The yuppie crowd shows its thanks by requesting Lenny Kravitz, but as the true music fans of this city begin to infiltrate the mall, we can expect Lenny Kravitz fans to turn tail faster than, well, Lenny Kravitz himself did. All this for a zero dollar cover. It's better than Nine Inch Nails!


REVISIONS

路 When the first Beck song, "Loser," came out, I was sure he'd be a one-hit wonder. I remember watching Thurston Moore interview Beck on 120 Minutes, looking like big Thurston and little Thurston, and thinking, "This guy is going nowhere." Maybe I was wrong? Nowadays Beck could crush Thurston and Trent Reznor with his pinkie.

路 Cleopatra Records must be stopped. The tribute albums were funny at first, but they all suck. Not only are they planning a Nirvana tribute album, but they're threatening a rap version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." What's next, a world music tribute to The Fragile?

路 Death Cab for Cutie are evil. How dare they place a moratorium on shows until 2000? What are we supposed to do until then, stay home and cry along with Nine Inch Nails? After getting us all excited by playing several new songs at their North by Northwest show in Portland, they pull a 10-second tiger and leave us begging for satisfaction for three months! What a tease.