Being a Republican in Seattle isn't all fun and fancy. Sometimes, when I want to be among my kind, I drive over to Bellevue, and holy cow. Holy cow. It feels like a whole different world over there. A better world. Free parking everywhere, houses a sensible distance from one another, very few homeless people. Every time I go to Bellevue, I'm reminded of what Seattle could be, and should be. If only Seattleites stopped voting against their interests, we could have a city to be proud of.

But I'm not going to lie: Being a Republican in Seattle does have its perks. For instance, sometimes you meet a Stranger editor in a dentist's office and they invite you to "review" their endorsement issue. Since the city isn't doing mailers for the primary election, The Stranger thought it would be in Seattle's best interest to give a little bit of space to the voice of dissent. And boy, do I ever dissent.

These endorsements are just five pages of far-left propaganda. I mean, I don't want to be rude, but come on: The Stranger Election Control Board endorsed Jim McDermott? The guy voted against the Iraq War, for Pete's sake—talk about out of touch! It's time for a good old-fashioned reality check: McDermott's been living in Washington, DC, for so long that he practically lives there. Same goes for Maria "Obamacare" Cantwell—don't blame me, I voted for Slade Gorton!

If there was even just a second's worth of critical thinking when they were putting this thing together, I could understand a bad call here or there, but you could practically vote the opposite of this thing and come out with a decent-looking ballot in the fall. Jay Inslee? Adam Smith? An increase on property taxes to fund the libraries? None of this stuff would fly over in Bellevue. If we ever want to have a downtown with a marketplace as vibrant, safe, and convenient as the Bravern, we have to get our house in order.

I guess that's all I have to say about that, but I've got another 150 words to fill, so I looked at some other pages, too. There's a guide for the Capitol Hill Block Party, which sounds cute, like a potluck or something, but is really just a big festival now, like Lollapalooza. They still do Lollapalooza, right? Man, I had so much fun back at the '92 Lolla. I was front and center for Luscious Jackson and Cypress Hill and met my first wife in the mosh pit. (See? Republicans can be cool, too!)

And then there are reviews of four plays at the Intiman. One of the plays is by DAN SAVAGE, who is the editorial director of The Stranger. A positive review of a play written and directed by the guy in charge of the paper running the review hardly seems fair, does it? Maybe you should remember what The Stranger stoops to when you fill out your ballots. Vote Republican—I'm getting lonely!