1. The single biggest news story in Seattle this week—Tuesday night's primary election—is not covered in this week's print edition of The Stranger. That's because The Stranger is sent to press on Tuesday afternoon, and the primary results are announced several hours after the paper's final deadline. If you can think of a clearer and more compelling example of the rapidly decaying relevance of print journalism, please illustrate it in 250 words or fewer.
2a. In a Stranger restaurant supplement starring local chefs called Cheftown, one of the more unexpected interviews is with a Taco Bell employee who says: "I'm 34. My dream is pretty much over." Is this the saddest two-sentence statement you've ever read in your life?
2b. If your answer to the above question is "no," please share the saddest two sentences you've ever read. Supply context if necessary.
2c. If you are one of those smug people who believes that employees of fast food restaurants deserve what they get for being too "dumb" to get "real" work like you, how do you manage to sleep at night? Please list the relevant prescriptions and/or over-the-counter medications required to supply you with something resembling human slumber.
3. The Stranger's music section continues to publish a gossip column titled "What's Crappening?" On a graph, map the point at which an unfunny dumb joke somehow becomes funny again. On the same graph, illustrate how far away "What's Crappening?" is from that point.
4a. On the cover and in the news section, DOMINIC HOLDEN explains what happened when he tried to take photographs of police officers on public property. While the local police are clearly out of control, isn't Holden's self-mythologizing a tiny bit much? Why or why not?
4b. Which Stranger staffer do you wish had been harassed by police instead of Holden? Write a short story about your preferred writer's encounter with authority.
5. In lieu of timely and relevant primary results, the feature story in this week's Stranger is a story by Melody Datz about the puzzling lack of male birth control, an essay unfortunately titled "My Boyfriend Boils His Balls for Me." Is this headline more or less juvenile than "What's Crappening?" Can you think of a better headline for this story? (Hint: If you're older than 10, you probably can!)