Why can't Stranger writers stop writing about themselves? Last week on Slog, LINDY WEST set a new record for comments with a blog- article entitled "Hello, I Am Fat," criticizing DAN SAVAGE for criticizing fat people. Mr. Savage wrote a Slog column in reply, criticizing Miss West for misreading some of his criticisms of fat people. It was purposefully provocative and evidently mutually hurtful—so in keeping with the conventions of this institution, where provocative brutality reigns, I fully expected to open the pages of this week's issue to find further rehashing of it, perhaps followed by exegeses from other writers about the perils of disagreeing in public and the "brilliance" of The Stranger specifically.

Thankfully, we've all been spared.

But that's only because the editors had to make room for... another writer writing all about herself. Fiery Latina CIENNA MADRID, knowing full well she is not a Christian, paid a visit to several Christian pregnancy centers around the state with the goal of finding out what such centers tell young potential mothers. She then scurried back to the STI-riddled Stranger offices to jot their quotes down. Any attempt at a public- service piece is undermined by Miss Madrid's indulgent first section, a bit of breathless memoir about the time she visited France years ago. Thank you for sharing that useless little anecdote, Miss Madrid. We'll all sleep better tonight.

Elsewhere... MUSIC: New music editor Grant Brissey "edits" a collection of "reviews" by his peers about a new album by a band that performs in caves. I read every single word of this bloated, gassy tripe and I still have no idea what this album sounds like. Which, I suppose, means that the music section of The Stranger is the same as it ever was—a bundled collection of words in no particular order, scribbled in response to things that are of no particular consequence... NEWS: Eli Sanders complains that television news channels are making an exorbitant amount of money from political ads and then tries to paint this as a bad thing. Perhaps The Stranger should instead be spending much of its energy on copying the television news model instead of blindly throwing stink bombs in every direction...THEATER: Brendan Kiley, the single palest person on The Stranger's staff, tries to sound "with it" on the matter of black playwrights, to laughable effect... BOOKS: Who, really, can be bothered to read this?... VISUAL ART: A critique of a painting of roses. Next week, it will be portraits of Elvis Presley on velvet... CHOW: Didn't read... FILM: Didn't read... SAVAGE LOVE: For the sake of my own sanity, I made it a trifecta: didn't read.