You can't cast your eyes across the cover of this week's issue and not notice the childish glee with which The Stranger is pouncing on the Republican presidential candidates. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" it reads, followed by a few libelous descriptors. The corresponding article by PAUL CONSTANT is even worse than you might expect—one candidate is "a fucking nutjob," another a "sex-o-phobe," another a "used-up attention whore who's running out of attention," another "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex." Moreover, Mr. Constant refers to Rudy Giuliani's previous campaign as "apparently managed by a suicidal half-blind parakeet." I have been The Stranger's public editor long enough to have developed a stomach for the disgusting, the defamatory, and the deliriously callow, so an article like this hardly bothers me. What bothers me is imagining all the confetti and high-fives and mirth that no doubt surrounded Mr. Constant when he turned this excrement in, because it flatters every base tendency of the paper's political staff.

Elsewhere among this week's features we have CHARLES MUDEDE waxing aroused about the sexual doings of a very powerful leader of the world economy in his hotel room in New York City, "the capital of capitalism" as Mr. Mudede breathlessly writes. ELI SANDERS evidently couldn't think of anything compelling to say about journalist Dorothy Parvaz's plight in Syria and Iran and so, in keeping with the tradition of this newspaper, makes her do all the work. And CLIFF MASS, an out-of-work volunteer weatherman, gets a page on which to argue one-sidedly that his firing from the estimable KUOW was unjustified, gallingly coating the argument in concern for "the listener."

CITY: Only The Stranger would applaud small-business owners for championing policies that will in effect make things harder on small businesses.

BOOKS: A large photo of a bald gentleman with no fewer than five earrings, accompanied by a great many words I did not read. It apparently concerns an "important" science-fiction novel—I'll have to take your word for it—and constitutes a considerable conflict of interest, as said novelist appears in a Stranger-produced event this weekend.

THEATER and VISUAL ART: Do my eyes deceive me? Are both theater and visual art coverage collapsed to near nonexistence in this issue? Has justice finally been served?

FILM: I'm not sure what a "ladyboy" is, thus I could not make it through LINDY WEST's review of The Hangover II, because the word "ladyboy" appears 56,897 times in it (approximately). Also on the film page, CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE lures the director of a SIFF film into an interview room and proceeds to grope her.

SPORTS BLOTTER: Every week, GOLDY delights in the misfortune of professional athletes. I would tell you whom he seizes on this week, but I caught the bolded phrase "throwing tennis balls at passing cars while naked" and decided to skip it.