Read the original column here.

I think you were hard on the lady whose first response was "What?!?" when her date suggested testicular sex. As things go, "What?!?" is a pretty tame response that might also have meant: What are you talking about! I am surprised and confused!

I'm saying it's pretty difficult, in a clutch situation, to have the first thing you say not be "What?!?"

If it was the guy writing, you would have berated him for giving up so easily. As well you should have! Imagine if everyone on earth gave up so easily! We would all be having heterosexual missionary sex without birth control.

Emily


I think you might have been too hard on the girl who said "What?!?" when the guy asked her if he could insert his testicles into her. My reaction would have been "What?!?" too, not because I think it's a shameful act or that it's shameful to be kinky or because I think it's a terrible thing, but because I'd be genuinely shocked that somebody had found a kink that I'd never even heard of.

Hearing you speak so casually about it, as if everyone's doing it, makes me think I'm more vanilla than I thought. But I hang around a lot of kinky people and have not heard of this. I guess I'd just like to say (a) this ball-insertion thing isn't exactly sweeping the nation the way your reply to her might have suggested, and (b) "What?!?" doesn't always translate as "You should be ashamed"/"I'm not interested." Often it just indicates surprise, after which there might be a discussion. But guys, in my experience, seem to have a harder time talking about their feelings.

Women shouldn't be expected to control a natural surprise reaction to an unusual kink in the middle of sex. Communicate, men! If he'd communicated with her—if he'd explained what he was interested in doing—and then she'd said, "You're a sick, kinky freak," then I'd say it's her loss. Right now I'd say no one's to blame but missed communication.