You've Been Admitted! Now What?

AS INCOMING STUDENTS, you've undoubtedly been inundated with piles of useless, boring information from whatever fine establishment of higher learning you've chosen to attend. You've been told how to register for classes, how to sign up for a dorm, how to catch a bus, and how to take out the student loans that will keep you in indentured servitude for the rest of your days. But where's the data you need to make your college years the most thrilling and dangerous time in your life--a time you can look back on wistfully in your later years as you drive around in a minivan listening to NPR?

Right here.

We at The Stranger have packed into one place all the trouble-lovin' info you'll never find in your Student Registration packets--things like how to cheat, how to smoke dope without getting arrested, how to make money participating in health studies, and where to get cheap booze and blowjobs on campus. If you're new to town, your stuffy, out-of-touch school advisers will no doubt suggest that you check out some local landmarks (the UW's website singles out the Seattle Art Museum, the Space Needle, and Pike Place Market). Blech! Instead, try the Wall of Gum, or the building where one of our beloved politicians once jumped to his death.

This guide contains all the kind of stuff we at The Stranger would have wanted to know if any of us had bothered to attend college. Now get out there and sign up for that herpes study....