If the Vatican wants to start a college football program, now is the time to recruit coaching and administrative talent from Happy Valley, where former Pennsylvania State University assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky, 67, was indicted November 5 on 40 counts related to the sexual molestation of eight young boys over 15 years. Also indicted were Penn State athletic director Tim Curley, 57, and senior vice president Gary Schultz, 62, who surrendered to police on charges of perjury and failure to report a 2002 incident in which Sandusky was observed allegedly ass-fucking a 10-year-old boy in a locker-room shower. Sandusky retired in 1999, but retained access to Penn State athletic facilities, to which he often brought boys from the Second Mile, a charity serving "at-risk" youth. Curley, Schultz, and the legendary Joe "Joe Pa" Paterno, 84, the winningest coach in Division I football history, were all aware of the 2002 incident, but failed to contact the police. At a celebrity boxing match in Hollywood, “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, 36, defeated "Long Island Lolita" Amy Fisher, 37. Five-time Sports Blotter all-star Lenny "Nails" Dykstra failed to show for his headlined bout against fellow MLB bad boy Jose Canseco.