1. GOLDY is apparently a grown man. He's been writing for well over a decade now, and the various personal anecdotes he cannot refrain from spilling throughout his writing would indicate that he's been on this earth for at least four, maybe five decades. Why, then, would a man who's so firmly entrenched in midlife write a news story with the headline "Fuck the State" that accuses state legislators of terrorism? In another "news" story in this very issue, Goldy complains about the price of fast food. Explain in a brief essay exactly what is wrong with Goldy. Examples of a useful diagnosis include: He's suffered an embolism that has impaired his judgment, he recently lived through a personal loss that inspired him to act irresponsibly as an attention-getting measure, or the name "Goldy" is simply a pseudonym that is passed from Stranger writer to Stranger writer, with the most recent owner of the sobriquet being a teenage boy.
2. Speaking of teenagers, DAVID SCHMADER wastes nearly a thousand words on Morrissey's new autobiography, ultimately concluding that perhaps Morrissey is not very bright. Rather than appearing in the music section, where this kind of puerile diatribe is the norm, it's instead published in the books section. If you can, identify any literary merit in Schmader's review. Use a microscope if necessary.
3. DOMINIC HOLDEN crows about the end of the Seattle City Council as we know it. Unfortunately, the city council is still going to be around in its current iteration for two more years, which means that Holden is essentially burning a bridge before he crosses it. Imagine if you were to hold an "intervention" of sorts for Mr. Holden. Which of his self-destructive behaviors would you bring up first?
4. Did you read CHARLES MUDEDE's article about Black Weirdos? Why?
5. In the theater section, CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE gleefully rips apart 5th Avenue Theatre's staging of Oliver! This "review" is as pretentious as it is wrongheaded, failing to appreciate the play's deft use of child actors and its willingness to choose crowd-pleasing over the too-theatrical. Similarly, in the chow section, BETHANY JEAN CLEMENT denounces a sandwich-and-teriyaki shop on the grounds that it is merely good enough for the neighborhood in which it exists. Shouldn't The Stranger utilize a positive worldview and encourage the city's arts and business communities instead of constantly running them down? (Submit your answer to this question as a comment on any article on The Stranger's website.)