If there is one thing to be strenuously disbelieved in this fictionalization of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's youthful infatuation with Charlotte Buff, which would lead to the writing of his much-beloved The Sorrows of Young Werther, it is that he wrote the whole damn book in one frenzied, heartbroken night (or even, perhaps, a few of them—the writing occurs in a montage). He hunches over his desk, makes a tortured-by-love concentration face, scribbles furiously, sketches and paints some illustrations, and then it's finished. There! A book that would send young people across Europe into paroxysms of aching identification, inspiring the kind of adoration and obsession currently reserved for movie and pop stars—a Werther fashion trend, Werther perfume (how it measures up to Britney Spears's Curious we'll never know), and an unfortunate epidemic of Werther-inspired suicides—finished in one go. Bullshit, I say. And obnoxious bullshit at that. Any time a film romanticizes the writing of a novel this way, I imagine real living novelists, whose lives consist of long and often frustrating days of drinking coffee and googling themselves and throwing their Nerf basketball into its hoop 4,000 times, pulling at their hair and walking out of theaters in disgust.

But on to the important things. Goethe is a straightforward costume drama based on a famous author's youth, and you basically know what you're getting: powdered wigs, a disapproving father, getting it on in the woods in a rainstorm, a bit of dueling, a predictable soundtrack, wide shots of countryside. If you like any of these things, or if you like Werther or its author, you'll likely enjoy Goethe. If you are simply a lover of film, or a lover of things that have the capacity to surprise you, then this is not your film. The romance progresses pretty much as you expect; things that seem like they may end badly do, indeed; important letters arrive too late.

There are certainly highlights. Alexander Fehling, who plays Goethe, and Miriam Stein, who plays his lover-promised-to-another, Lotte, are both luscious young people who you want to see staring into each other's eyes and riding around on horseback. Lotte's dilemma (marry a rich man who can provide for her entire impoverished family or reject him for her smart, beautiful young lover) is truly heart-wrenching; Goethe and Wilhelm Jerusalem's friendship is entertaining (they act as each other's wingmen with all these ringleted ladies, at one point one of them calls the other a "bastard fart"). There are lots of cute little nods to Werther for those in the know, and, like I said, hot sex and duels for everyone else. recommended