NEWS Every once in a long, agonizing while, proof of God presents itself. To wit: This week's news section, which clocks in at a blessedly lean two pages. First up is ERICA C. BARNETT on the Seattle Police Department allegedly harassing nightclubs—a story sure to excite one or two people. Then the pièce de résistance: JOSH FEIT expounding on a "Jewish conspiracy" involving the monorail, international banking, Hollywood, et al. That the paper's news section has resorted to publishing anything involving the phrase "Jewish conspiracy" should come as no surprise. Conspiracy theories are popular among floundering news reporters.

SHORT FEATURE Road Trip: YakimaThe theme of this year's "Road Trip" series may have been "liberal oases in red seas"—or some such vaguely menstrual blather—but the underlying message has nothing to do with politics. The underlying message is: Drink booze. CHARLES MUDEDE provides this week's indefensible installment.

FEATURE The Disenchanted ForestEvidently out of noteworthy Seattle institutions to slap around, The Stranger aims its pot-addled attentions at the Seattle Center's Fun Forest, where MEGAN SELING was dispatched to let loose with a feckless assault of predictable snark.