NEWS
In lieu of a critique of this week's news section—a chore I find more and more exhausting with every passing week—I merely offer a brief rundown of the contents therein, allowing you, the readers, to make the wise choice of doing something else with your time: AMY JENNIGES reports on a local bar's tiff with community good neighbor agreements, ELI SANDERS strains to say something interesting (and fails) about the Port of Seattle, and there's some blather about money and politics. PLUS: All those idiotic columns you flip past every week.

SHORT FEATURE
Floating SUVs Having yet to meet a vintage of liberal whine he didn't like, ELI SANDERS files a diatribe against the environmental "horrors" of boating. Your failure to care at all has been duly noted.

PULLOUT
The Stranger vs. Bumbershoot 2005 Every year Seattle gathers for a weekend of music and arts in the heart of the city. The locals call this Bumbershoot. The Stranger calls it an opportunity to shoot up yet another Seattle institution with bullets filled with bile. My advice: If you're at all interested in the event, why not seek out a newspaper that actually likes Seattle?