The iron-carbon alloy commonly known as stainless steel regrets having been formed into the three-part public sculpture Eat, Drink, and Be Merry. This public sculpture is not in an out-of-the-way location, like in the middle of a park, but right outside the Paramount Theatre. Stainless steel does not know what it was thinking by allowing the artist Ries Niemi to fashion a trio of 16-to-18-foot-tall stick figures, the one on the left shaped like a bottle of booze wearing a scarf, the one on the right shaped like a martini glass with a diamond ring inside the glass for a head, and the one in the middle wearing jeans and with a spatula for a head.
Stainless steel is the quadriceps of metals. It is the stuff of bank vaults. It was used in the making of the gravity-defying St. Louis Arch and the mighty Chrysler Building. It is cold and efficient. It does not want to eat, drink, or be merry. It has no time for whimsy. It does not even show the stains of age and use. It is very nearly forever. Unfortunately, because of Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, stainless steel will have to hate itself a little, forever. It sincerely regrets having brought shame upon its family.