1. CHER "Believe" (Warner Bros) While the vocoder-style vocals and clean production impress the geeks, no self-respecting techno devotee would ever so much as nod their head to it.

2. MADONNA "Ray of Light" (Maverick) So she thinks if she gets William Orbit to do all her production work, she'll be welcomed into our fold with open arms? Fat chance, Ms. Ciccone.

3. STARDUST "Music Sounds Better (With You)" (Roule) This was THE CUT for 1998. Dancing to/requesting/spinning it in 1999 will get you in serious trouble.

4. Radio shows on C89, KCMU, and KNDD. Known as Electrobox, Expansions, and Ultrasound, respectively. These DJs know their shit. How DARE they play it to a mass audience?!

5. Anything on a major label. No matter that Photek, the epitome of drum 'n' bass chic, is now on Virgin--true believers will fork out the extra cash to buy import versions on his own label. Suckers.

Support The Stranger