THESE ARE NO HARD TIMES FOR THE DONNAS, AND THEY'RE definitely not Hard Luck Women. They seem to be making the media spotlight their own, of late. Recently, when I was in Berkeley and was asked if I wanted to see a private screening of the new KISS movie Detroit Rock City with the Donnas, it was like, "Shock Me, fuck yeah!"

They had a video copy because they had contributed a song to the soundtrack, and we were meeting at a secret house for an evening of pure fantasy viewing, starting at 8:00 p.m. I was overjoyed and wanted to Shout It Out Loud!

I've been a huge KISS fan since 1977. I joined the KISS Army, had the records, had the toys, learned words like "wang dang sweet poontang," and ate my Twinkies at lunch split open down the center in a manner Gene Simmons certainly would have approved of. In 1979, I scored tickets to see them at the Seattle Coliseum, and went on a journey not so unlike the four boys in Detroit Rock City. And the Donnas weren't even born yet.

Back to them, anyway. So about 20 of us go to the meeting place and there's tons of pizza and beer, and we have to WAIT around for the late-ass Donnas. Oh well, I guess it's their party. Ten minutes, two beers, and, like, 20 great songs into the movie, everyone is loving it. It's funny as fuck and has the best soundtrack ever. Everyone was singing along to KISS, Thin Lizzy, Van Halen, the Nuge, and like 50 more. It was a par-tay. We were packed into the small front room of the apartment, and all four Donnas were right in front of me chugging brews and singing all the songs. Gotta respect 19-year-olds knowing all the classic rock. Guess that's what made them what they are. But all I could think was, "I saw KISS before you were born and now you get to meet KISS and do a split record with them on Lookout." Looks like the Donnas are on a Rocket Ride. They're Hotter Than Hell.

Here comes jealousy. The movie finishes and I say let's get out to the bar and get some Cold Gin. And you know what, if KISS had been at the bar and the Donnas had come along, I'd have narked 'em out as TEENS to the bartender, and gotten KISS all to myself. Yeah right, like Gene would have let four little Christine Sixteens out of his grasp. The Donnas win.

Detroit Rock City opens Fri Aug 13 at a theater near you.

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