MUSIC Studio Seven (110 S Horton St), Wed Jan 28
A hot pot tipper sent over an invite (boy am I a sucker for a poster of a cookie wearing a hat) to what he described as "some of Seattle's chillest hiphop artists," plus "live art, light dancers, giveaways, and fresh cookies." Bop-Alloy are headlining, and their easy-listening jazzhop is, indeed, quite chill, but make sure you catch Billy the Fridge, a wonderfully large rapper, competitive eater, and generally nutso entertainer who wears an old-fashioned donut on a chain around his neck.
Nearby snack: The cookies this evening are in the 21+ area, which I assume means they're laced, which is great, except for when you're actually just so hungry so end up snacking on weed food until you're unable to speak. Before you get to that stage, don't forget that the road to Studio Seven is paved with fast food—I won't tell anyone if you hit Fourth Avenue South (home of Arby's, McDonald's, Taco Bell, and Jack in the Box) before and after the show.
EVENT Burke Museum (17th Ave NE and NE 45th St), Thurs Jan 29
So, like, what are the rules with unclaimed human bones? Are you allowed to just dig up some old bones and put them on display in a museum? The Burke Museum would like to discuss this fascinating issue, which comes up more often than you think: "Human remains are inadvertently discovered in Washington State more than 50 times a year. These remains are then the subject of a complicated and evolving set of state and federal laws."
Oh shit, it's the Super Bowl XLIX
SPORTS All over the damn place, Sun Feb 1
We are doing this again, Seattle! But it's more like a SUPER BOWL of WEED, amiright? (Nailed it.) Anyway, if you're like me, you might feel that football is tedious to follow and sort of culturally gross. But when 90 percent of the city is feeling so happy about something, and Skittles are involved, why not get stoned and at least enjoy the company of pals and food? There are so many places you can watch the Super Bowl, but I'm leaning toward the Bait Shop (606 Broadway E) because they have frozen booze drinks with tiny plastic toys on them, or Cafe Racer (5828 Roosevelt Way NE) because not only have they promised "free munchies and food/drink specials," they're even going to attempt to "figure out how to watch it with the projector" (hot tip: Get extra stoned, offer to help).
Nearby snack: Bait Shop's black bean and squash tacos are killer, and Cafe Racer has a full hot-dog-and-sandwich-heavy menu, but I know what you're thinking: "What about pizza, though?" You're in luck! At any of the five Tutta Bella locations, pizzas will be specially priced at $12 (they also have TVs in case you fall into a pizza coma and meeting your friends sounds too hard). Still hungry? Gelatiamo (1400 Third Ave) has created the "12th pan," which is Skittles-flavored gelato. Maybe football isn't so bad.
DANCE McCaw Hall (321 Mercer St), Jan 30–Feb 8
The Pacific Northwest Ballet's production of Don Quixote, the most chivalrous novel that ever chivaled (did you know it's been translated into more languages than any other work of fiction besides the Bible?), boasts bright costumes, vast sets for staring at, and all the elegant body-bending that comes with trained dancers. Plus, local celeb Tom Skerritt plays the title character. He was totally in Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke.
Nearby snack: If McCaw Hall's fancy restaurant, Prelude, is too rich for your THC-infused blood, Crow (823 Fifth Ave N) is a nearby bistro that's still upscale (you're going to A BALLET, after all), but with a more straightforward menu with items like lasagna and lemon pie. Lower Queen Anne is also home to the rare Plaid Pantry (720 Taylor Ave N), where the candy and soda options are better than the average gas station.
NIGHT OUT Fremont Studios (155 N 35th St), Sat Jan 31
Fish out your fishnets and get your hot patootie over to Lifelong's Rocky Horror–themed gay bingo night. Do I even have to go into more detail as to why this is going to be the most fun? Bingo. Drag performances. Rocky Horror. Cocktails. Prizes.
Nearby snack: You can't go wrong with Pel'Meni Dumpling Tzar (3516 Fremont Pl N) and their anxiety-free menu: tasty beef or potato dumplings, topped with a slice of dark rye bread, sour cream, spices, and hot sauce.