SATURDAY 11/12

METRO AREA IN TROUBLE

You are so confused right now. You think that since Halloween is a long-faded memory (oh, the spooky times we had!) and cruel November has us clutched in its unforgiving skeleton fingers (shudder), we've obviously entered the dreaded Party Dead Zone—that bleak and dismal annual wasteland where all the glitter dries up and everyone is too cold and light-starved to do anything but stare drooling into space and pray for death. Well. You are a steaming pile of WRONGNESS, ladyface, as evinced by the literally twos of titillating events happening this week that are guaranteed to crack the frost off your nervous system and indefinitely postpone your suicide. (IT GETS BETTER, please kindly to recall. Allegedly.) This brings us to our first event: TROUBLE and City Soul bring us Metro Area—aka Morgan Geist & Darshan Jesrani—big movers and butt-shakers from NYC who are justly famous for their deft beats and delicious mixes. It's a benefit for the It Gets Better Project, which would prefer that you please give up on the silly notion of putting your head in an oven and come out dancing instead. See you there, oven head. Fred Wildlife Refuge, 10 pm, $15, 21+.

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MONDAY 11/14

SEATTLE CONFIDENTIAL: HOLIDAY HORROR STORIES

Oh the perverse whimsy of it all! Oh, the delicious, depraved delight! What happens here is that people (all sorts of people! Maybe me! Maybe you!) write brilliant and naughty and weird things about various junk that happened to them—or that they totes made up, whatevs—as long as it's germane to the quarterly theme and TOTES ANONYMOUS. (This month's theme is "Holiday Horror Stories.") They then submit these TOTES ANONYMOUSLY. Then, the impish Ian Bell (of Brown Derby renown), host and curator, collects them and farms them out to talented local actors (Karen Gruber! Evan Mosher! Emily Chisholm!), who do them up all talented-actor style and bring them to life for you. It's an energetic, wickedly funny, edifying thing, and you should see it because (a) I can't tell you why (shhh) and (b) it's the last one of the year. ACT Theater's Central Heating Lab, 7:30 pm, $15, all ages.

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Then score some dank herb from Ruckus to help with the stress.