FRINGE, A CLUELESS PARTY

First! An announcement: It is with tremendous something-or-other that I am forced to report the end, the demise, and the utter no-more-ness of Neighbours' once-beloved and most ancient Thursday night retro event, Rock Lobster. (My plan was to dispatch my fleet of helicopters on closing night to capture the hot red-carpet action from all angles, but I was tragically forced by complete apathy to stay home and watch Netflix instead. Please don't cry.) Pseudo-legend tells us that the event was created by Mark Finley over 17 million years ago (even thought it was probably thought up by a drag queen called Boy Mike—homosexuologists are quite conflicted), and it was probably the oldest themed gay dance night in the world. It died quietly of old age on Thursday, November 10, and is survived by zillions of better things. One of these things is FRINGE. (Awesome segue; I know, right?) We haven't been to a Fringe in a spell, and that's because WE ARE STOOPID; it is undoubtedly one of the most glitter-tastic gay party nights still living. Tonight's theme is CLUELESS, as in the movie with Whatsherfacethat- neverworkedagain Silverstone and (gulp) Paul Rudd (my secret boyfriend! Shhh...). So! Dress to impress (circa 1995–style), and expect to be moved by Dana Dub, '90s jammers Justified Ancient and Daddy's Girl, and titillated by Ursula Major, who is flying in from Vegas just for you. RIP, Rock Lobster; viva la Fringe! The Eagle, 10 pm, $5, 21+.

MATCH GAME

We are allll far too young and fresh to remember the old teevee game show called The Match Game, right? So, a recap: An ever-so-wacky celebrity panel of weirdos plays a naughty game of Mad Libs; audience contestants try to guess their responses in order to win fabulous prizes. This local version is hosted by Richard Rugburn (har-har) and Miss Moist Towelette, and features the Mad-Libbing madness of Ade, Anita Pousse, Gaydolf Hitler, Penis Galore, and others. If you miss it, you are dumber than a bucket of... BLANK? Re-bar, 7:30 pm, $12, 21+.