DAN SAVAGE AND HIS LOVE, LIVER THAN EVER
All we silly little 'mos really want in life is the exact same godforsaken crap that breeders/Muggles and everyone else want, right? True love. Whiter teeth. Great shoes. Manageable hair! Why, some of us, for reasons offending perhaps reason itself, even want to participate in the time-dishonored "tradition" of so-called "marriage." Well! Bully for them 'mos—that's what I say. (Suckers.) And our own Dan "Captain Gay" Savage, who really likes gay marriage, as he's kind of in one, and Washington United for Marriage, which also really likes gay marriage because DUH, have combined their formidable powers to force the issue, in light of the truly relentless, absurd, and deeply unconstitutional attacks on simple marriage equality by the brain-dead bigots of the ever-so-wrong right. ("Pursuit of happiness," bitches! Ever heard of it?) Tonight, the Savage and the WUM present an even-liver-than-usual episode of Dan's world infamous Savage Lovecast, featuring all the wise and sexy sass that this weary world has come to expect of it, with all proceeds going to kick some serious haters' ass and to secure marriage rights for all consenting adults in Washington State. Finally. Neptune Theatre, 8 pm, $22/$100 VIP, all ages.
A SLAPPAGE OF DICKS
Dickslap would like to remind you that there will be absolutely no illicit doings whatsoever at this event, and that the grabbing of other people's junk is strictly prohibited and will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. BWAHAHAHAHA! The Eagle, 10 pm–3 am, $5, 21+.
SCISSOR ME SISTERS!
The last fucking time I saw the flaming Scissor Sisters at the Paramount, I woke up with my face covered in blood (apparently not my own), missing a lens from my eyeglasses, and with absolutely no memory of how I made it home. It was clearly one of the best nights of my life. Welcome back, you sick and fabulous freaks! Paramount Theatre, 8 pm, $31 adv/$33.25 DOS, all ages.