TUESDAY 10/2

FUCKIN' MADONNA. THAT IS ALL.

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The road to love is twisted and sick, and sometimes it leads to Madonna. "I honestly can't remember a time in my life when Madonna was not playing," says Jason Miller, program director at Central Cinema. His boyfriend, Richard Kennedy, puts it more dramatically: "I had shackles around my entire being until Madonna liberated me." Holy gap-toothed She-Moses!

So who exactly is this "Madonna" person? Why does she make The Gays go crazy? And how is it she's allowed to so obviously bite the hell out of Lady Gaga's style? Jason and Richard know. They've got eight Madonna 2012 World Tour tickets between them (two shows in Vancouver, BC, two in Seattle), and they've blown all the money they won by knowing everything about her at the Lobby's Madonna Trivia Night recently on a limo ride to Vancouver to see her. I'll just let them explain:

RICHARD: I was a nelly Catholic altar boy growing up in a trailer park in Eastern Oregon. There were days when I would come home from school after being relentlessly harassed, and I would pop in The Blond Ambition World Tour and go to a world where fags partied, danced, vogued, and generally didn't give a shit about the heinous world around them. When you grow up a Madonna fan, your dreams are impervious to bullies.

JASON: As a middle child with two sisters, I saw the effects of Madonna on the teenage girl in the '80s, as well as the effect she had on me as a budding homosexual, firsthand. "Papa Don't Preach" was the song that broke my brain. I used to lip-synch to it while pretending to be in the throes of a painful labor. (On those darker days, it would be a stillborn...)

RICHARD: All divas, from Tina Turner to Cher, radiated liberation and energy... I promised myself that I would NEVER miss a diva show. I've seen them all now, from Barbra Streisand to Yoko Ono to Pia Zadora. Hand the bitch a mic and a gown, shine the spotlight, and I'M THERE!

JASON: Of note: When playing trivia at Lobby, ALWAYS go for the points and not the free shots. They are just sugar water.

Duly noted, Madonna freaks. Duly noted. KeyArena, 8 pm, $45–$355, all ages.