SCHMADENATOR VS. ELLEN

Okay, so see, there's this guy called David Schmader. He is a man of incisive observations and keen obsessions. You will of course recognize him from the front pages of this here tree-murdering rag. But did you know? He's also a famous monologuist of nationally celebrated wit. One of the things he does very best is this: He takes a screwed-up and unintentionally hilarious old movie, introduces it, provides some context and a little setup, lets the bitch roll, and chimes in during key moments with wittiness. It's a winning formula, results guaranteed. (I'm trying real hard here not to bring up Showgi...) Tonight we shall be treated indeed as David brings us all new and fresh and yummy snark vis-à-vis one crazy old hound dog of a film: Mr. Wrong from 1996, starring the then-painfully-closeted dyke princess Ellen DeGeneres as she mucks through (and utterly fails—with funniness!) the greatest acting challenge of her career: playing a marriage-hungry woman who's into cock. (Really!) It's pure crap plus pure Schmader, and it is going to be epic. And, of course, proceeds go to Washington United for Marriage. So. (Oh, the irony! IT BURNS!) Central Cinema, 9:30 pm, $11 at www.seattlewww.seattlequeerfilm.com, 21+.

CAPITOL HILL CREEP SHOW

Now! As we've just established (seconds ago! Please pay attention!), taking a crazy movie and multiplying it by a brilliant commentator busting with devilish quips produces, voilà! Hilariousness. Add to this witch's brew a little Halloween sensibility and you get Capitol Hill Creep Show—a fabulous, bloody, gross, and scary new horror flop each Sunday in October commentated and hosted by the glorious Ben Delacreme and cohosted by Major Scales. You will of course recognize the musical cohost, Major Scales, and his seckshy salt-n-pepper head as the other half of the Vaudevillians with Jinkx Monsoon, and you will undoubtedly recognize the delightful Miss Delacreme from delightful DelaFuckingEVERYTHING. There will be prizes and giveaways and even some B-Movie Bingo. It's a new Halloween tradition! Wildrose, 8 pm, free, 21+.