APRIL SHOWERS, HAIRY-BACKED FLOWERS
I shall waste not breath nor ink nor trees nor time nor the labors of even the teeniest suffering little brain cell left screaming in my skull trying to explain Dina Martina, to describe her, or convey her aspect, demeanor, or shtick in any way—at this strange juncture, you either Dina or you Don't. (And if you Don't? POSH! TISH! Away! I will have none of thee!) I am merely here to sound the clarion cry—Dina is back, with a rare and brand-new spring show, and that motherfucker starts tonight. Re-bar, 8 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, 21+.
THE MONSOON SAGA CONTINUES, CON CRÈME
Ben DeLaCreme. She's the warm ray of sunshine that the cat likes to sleep in on the hardwood floor of my heart. She is the "T" in my coffee, the crème in my brûlée. Do you know how hard this woman (should that be in quotes? "Woman"?) works for you? Giving fierce face and body and grace and high production value, and always representing good democratic values like equality and inclusiveness and collaboration and Jinkx Monsoon. We give Jinkx all the attention, but those RuPaul's Drag Race–watching events at Julia's are made doubly grand by Ben's hostessing. Let's adore her a little, too. There's only a few weeks left before... OMG WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? This is drag herstory, and we're in it! Get there early—the place gets effing PACKED. Julia's on Broadway, 8 pm, free, all ages.
COLLIDE-O-SCOPE, WITH SMURFS—MAYBE!
OR! First the people behind Collide-O-Scope pollute your blood and poison your brain with a big motherfucking bucket of Red Vines. (An insidious plot!) THEN they poison your mind again with quick and crazy and brilliant film clips that the poor brain has no choice but to weave into a seamless coat of genius and hilarity just to keep from exploding. (That's right. COAT. OF. GENIUS.) And although neither science nor Jesus herself ever thought it possible, they are getting better as they go along. Tonight's theme is the Saturday Morning Super Show! God, I hope there are Smurfs. Re-bar, 7 pm, $6, 21+.