Victory! JINKX MONSOON IS TOTALLY AMERICA'S NEXT DRAG SUPERSTAR! She's prevailed at last! Kicked some bottom and came out on top! Right? RIGHT? Well. At the time of this writing, there is actually no real way of "knowing" if she bloody well won or not, I suppose. Whatever. I shook my famous crystal ball good and hard, and it was all totally like, "OUTLOOK CERTAIN!" and "YOU BET YOUR SWEET FAGGOT ASS SHE IS, GURRL!" (My other ball is just regular, non-crystal guy-meat and refuses to comment on the matter.) And I am quite confident in its predictive powers. But this is all we can "know" for "certain" at this juncture: Alaska is a delightful problem to have, Roxxxy's a consummate kunt, and Jinkx is a jewel. And what a thrilling gay ride this has been! Jinkx completely won, even if she didn't—but if she, you know, actually win-wins? Well. It's going to be like fucking Obama won a third term on Capitol Hill. Dancing-in-the-streets-type shit, I tell you. Believe it.

COCK & BULL

Aahh... the circle of life. It rules us all. As you're doubtlessly aware by now, the Grill on Broadway (formerly known as, um, the Broadway Grill) has died and gone straight to purgatory to languish in torment forever among Jews, Wiccans, secretaries from abortion clinics, and unbaptized brats. So sad! So true. And the obvious question is: "But where will all the urinal ice live now?" For this, there is no easy answer. The second most obvious question is: "What the hell is going to happen to poor Bacon Strip, which just did done relocated itself to the Grill?!" Well, some even badder news, babe (BRACE YOURSELF): This was the killing blow. It's all over. After one million years, Sylvia and the gang are hanging up their Bacon Strip bras forever. But! In this veil of tears shines a glimmer of hope—a new once-a-month dance night for queers, perverts, and lovers of the dirty butt sex in general that is taking Bacon Strip's old spot at Re-bar. It's called Cock & Bull, and it's brought to you by Shane and Michael, the dazzling dazzlers who invented such delights as Collide-O-Scope; they plan a lot less drag cabaret and/or pork products (like, um, zero) and a lot more raw, unbridled seckshiness on the dance floor. With DJs Skiddle and Tony Burns! Re-bar, 10 pm, $5, 21+.