And so this week begins another glamorously splendiferous, gaily vainglorious Seattle International Film Festival! I predict the haircuts will be devastating. I expect opening night shall indeed be even more gala than usual, as the feature movie isn't a boring wankfest that everybody with sense will flee to go drink at that bar up the street until the after-party starts, and my red carpet couture is being coutured for me personally by the incomparably gifted Jordan Christianson of Jonquil & Mr Black. (My God! You'll really wish you could have seen me.) Aside from dropping ecstasy with Joss Whedon and giving each other two-hour foot rubs, I predict that my outfit really will be the highlight of the evening. I am not going to encourage you to attend, as the sucker is already quite sold out, but I'm going to be gadding all over the giddy gay mess that is SIFF, as per the norm, and I swear to keep you liberally abreast to the extent that discretion and libel laws tolerate. (Tee-hee! "Abreast.") McCaw Hall, 7 pm, $50–$225.



Dan Savage is hosting this Dickslap. I've heard a rumor he might even DJ a little. (His husband, Terry, is DJing for sure—and Derek Pavone, too.) And I know you're worried, as we all know Savage can have peculiar taste in music. The chances that you will wind up dancing to some crazy mash-up of Robyn and the original cast recording of H.M.S. Pinafore or something? One hundred percent! But so what? You're gonna dance anyway, is what. (He's looking right... the fuck... at you! Those eyes...) The Eagle, 10 pm–3 am, $5 before 10 pm/$7 after, 21+.

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Lady Rizo deserves more attention and adulation than I can provide. A peerless vocalist, a unique talent, a recent Grammy winner, a charming and funny lounge act, she is one of my very favorite performers. She has escaped the confines of her regular gig at Joe's Pub in NYC to bring her wonderful self to the rest of the world, including Seattle. Lucky us. Triple Door, 7:30 pm, $15 adv/$20 DOS, all ages.