THE HOUSE GETS UNHOLY

Hullooomosexuals! Our first event this week is so flipping unique and mind-boggling, it just might MELT YOUR BIG GAY FACE OFF. Imagine: the talents of Sarah Rudinoff (my secret girlfriend, gurlfran), Waxie Moon (that silly little minx!), Paula the Swedish Housewife (who is calling herself "Paulanow" now for some reason—what the heck was wrong with "Paula the Swedish Housewife"? Too long to sign on checks? A mystery), Jen Ayers, Paris Original... well, damn it, there are just too many AH-MAZINGK talents involved in this miraculous 90-minute mindfuck to mention. This is the first time House of Thee UnHoly has been staged since 2011, and if you are familiar with it, you understand completely. If not? Well, let me just paint you a little picture in words: throbbing, high-level burlesque (I'm convinced Seattle has some of the best burly performers on planet Earth) takes acid and has an explosive rock 'n' roll orgasm all over live music's face. There will be a baker's dozen dancers, a trio of incredible vocal talent, four musicians, some scary/sexy Hindu goddesses, mean old Vikings, and "a little bumble bee with a big problem." It even has costumes by Mark Mitchell! This is sure to be an epic spectacle. Triple Door, 7 and 10 pm, $20–$45, early show 17+/late show 21+, March 12–16.

MO' 'MO-WAVE

The new and glorious gay music festival the kids are calling "'Mo-Wave" (LOVE IT) is right around the damn corner—April 11 to 13, to be exact. In order to help make that happen, THIS is happening: a 'Mo-Wave benefit at Chop Suey! Shock kween Amoania hostesses an electrifying evening with our old friends Ononos, Crypts, and L'Orth (Lisa Orth)—all for a measly donation. Come help make queer music happen! Chop Suey, 9 pm, $10 suggested donation, 21+.

WATCH RUPAUL ELSEWHERE

You know I am just wild about the RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 watching parties hosted at the Century Ballroom by BenDeLaCreme and Sarah Rudinoff—but there's a problem. They are just too gol-damned popular is what. The line is out the door and around the corner (the first one was so slammed, they ran out of food—I'm still waiting for my damn cheese platter...). So you basically have to camp out front or forget it. But don't cry! There are myriads of myriad other watching parties happening to sate your RPDR needs. Tonight we are going allll the way down to mysterious Belltown to watch with Olivia LaGarce (Revolution Thursdays) and DJ Tony Burns. They aren't Ben and Sarah, of course, but who among us is these days? (I mean besides, you know, Ben and Sarah?) Olivia is an exquisite hostess, and the party will feature tons of local queens, music, and prizes. Rendezvous, 6 pm, free, 21+.