GAY THURSDAY IS DEAD; LONG LIVE GAY THURSDAY
Since the dawn of big gay time, Thursday night has been the unlikely cornerstone of gay nightlife, causing untold work-week hangovers and threatening gainful employment. It was Neighbours' fault at first, with their retro dance night Rock Lobster (history, ch'irren!) that each Thursday had dancey 'mos lined up out the door and around the corner. As the millennia passed, interest slowly waned, as it will, but Gay Dancey Thursday was not to be denied for long. Neighbours kept up their Thursday night with myriad programs, including HollaBack featuring Isaac Scott. The other big player became the Baltic Room, with themed Thursday nights to keep you good and headachey Friday morning. The most recent of these was Revolution with DonnaTella Howe, but that's suddenly all over now. (Mysterious reasons. Shady, even.) But Baltic Room is now set to win the gay battle for Thursday night, as Isaac Scott is jumping the Neighbours ship and taking her hostessing skills to a new night and a new concept: Sugar Beat, featuring the pop-mash-up perfection of DJ Bret Law (what would we do without him?). Tonight is the event's world premiere, and Ms. Scott tells us, "We have lots of fun surprises in store and can't wait to see everyone on the dance floor!" The Baltic Room, 9 pm, $3, 21+.
DAME EDNA'S SAD FAREWELL
How utterly thrilling! How completely depressing! How confusing to the emotions all around, indeed. Dame Edna—or a hunk of wax that looked like her—first piqued my interest and adulation at the Madame Tussauds wax museum in London when I was but 13 years old. With her lilac victory curl and her swirly cat's-eye frames, the "Australian housewife/gigastar" is, indeed, the first drag artist I can properly recall, and definitely the first I ever fell madly in love with, from the very first "Hullooo, possums!" to her deft and daffy take on everything from the most glamorous to the most mundane. Now, quite sadly (cue the violins), she's calling it quits after roughly three centuries, but she's thoughtful enough to give us a kiss good-bye before she goes. It will be hilarious, it will be sad, and you must attend—for one like Dame Edna shall not pass this way again... for reals. Four nights only! Moore Theatre, 8 pm, $47.50–$82.50, all ages, Jan 15–18.
FLAUNT YOUR AREA
This is basically a real-life Grindr, but dirtier and with dancing. I'm not even kidding! Part of their mission statement (and who doesn't LOVE a meat-market party with a mission) is: to force gays to flirt with the other guys around them in the room. Every month the party is themed, and this month's is just filthy: THE HANKIE CODE! They're giving out colored hankies and providing a handy chart to avoid confusion. (You don't want to be surprised by putting the brown hankie in the wrong place, trust me.) The Eagle, 9 pm, $5, 21+. 
