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Our decadent week begins with a new boon for the ladies. Chapel (which was once a REAL, like, CHAPEL in a spooky FUNERAL PARLOR... eeeeek!) has had its fill of fags (and vengeful spirits), thank you, and so has designed this delightful pussy-trap event, exclusively for the labia-having and labia-lusting-after. It's scheduled for every Thursday from now unto eternity and has been christened "End of Days," which is rather gloomy, especially for an old mortuary. Whatevs. (Dykes! So gothy.) There was an oeuvre in which the Chapel got me drunker than a bitch's fiddler and laider than railroad spikes, and it's my great joy to pass this slurring, stumbling, porking-in-the-balcony legacy unto the gaydies. "Special DJs" yet to be announced! Drinks that explode on contact! LESBOSEXY! Chapel, 9 pm, free, 21+.



The most HI-larious thing Margaret Cho ever did was lie about dating Quentin Tarentino. (To MY FACE, she lied. Quentin denies it. I believe him. He's not gay enough to date her.) This doesn't mean that I don't adore Maggie. Good heavens! I love all career fag hags. (Except fucking Lisa Lampanelli—DIE, you vulgar COWBITCH! DIE!) Tonight, Maggie is here with her new live thing, "Cho Dependent" (top drawer!), and if you don't go, well. What kind of fag are you? (Also: Expensive "Meet- Margaret" VIP tix are available—your only chance to meet her outside an L.A. AA meeting!) Paramount Theatre, 7:30 pm, $28.50–$45.


THE once-a-month must-do fag dance-and-sweat-and-fuck-and-fuck-and-fuck thing is in peril. Resident DJ/founding member Colby B is absconding to Noo Yawk forever, so this might be your last chance! (And it's damn cheaper than "Cho Dependent.") Chop Suey, 9 pm, $5 before 11 pm, 21+.



The world- infamous drag- apella quartet in their naughty, singy, satirey new show! "Appalling"! You mustn't miss it. MUSTN'T! The Triple Door, 7:30 pm, $25, 17+.