THURSDAY 9/2

Cyndi Lauper

The Gaga! The fantabulous freakbitch came, oh yes. She saw. She Gaga-ed! The trouble? (Besides eye/lung cancer?) Well, she Gaga-ed in stinking Tacoma. TACOMA! (WTF, Lady?! Someone's manager needs beheading. Ooh la la!) So. I barely even mention it now, long after, out of pure disgust. (Fossil fuels! FOSSIL FUELS!) By all eyewitness accounts (mostly David Schmader's, that gurl), Gaga's explosive Gaga-ness spectacularly expressed the true range of her most singular and beautiful infamy. Me? I wept glitter, alone. (For the PLANET!) But now! All is redeemed with the appearance of the wanna-have-funning, most inarguably pre-Gaga, and most truly colored Miss Cyndi Lauper! Indeed, Old "Cyn"(as all her REAL friends call her) has released her kajillionth album (they still make 'em?) called Memphis Blues, and fags and fagettes everywhere will converge today upon the Woodland Park ZOO (hush, it stinks less than YOU-KNOW-WHERE!) to bask in her singular Cyndi Lauper–ness. Girls are assured fun. (Ooh la la!) Woodland Park Zoo, $29–$32, 6 pm, all ages.

FRIDAY 9/3

DR. HORRIBLE'S SING-ALONG BLOG

Hold me! I've memorized every fantabulous word. Every expression. Every nuance! (By alleged heart, even!) And it comes tonight in all its nuevo (and, um, better-o) pseudo–Rocky Horror–ish glory to the Balagan Theatre. SEE! Dr. Horrible almost convincingly love a real pretty GIRL! (HA!) FEEL! The terrible triumph of evil over so-called good! (HA!) QUOTE! EVERY line verbatim LIKE AN IRREPRESSIBLE FAG! (A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do...) Balagan Theatre, 8 pm, $15 adv/$20 DOS, 21+.

SATURDAY 9/5

BACON STRIP

Really? Bacon Strip AGAIN? And, yes. Because it's still the faggiest, funnest night o' the month in this, our faggy little berg. Tonight's theme? "Space Pirates," of course. Live performances and the hottest boys, always. ALWAYS! Re-bar, 10 pm, $8 in theme costume/$10, 21+.

WednesDAY 9/8

Puss 'N Boots

Support The Stranger

Okay. This is all about drinks and appetizers. True. (CHEAP!) But while you eat and drink (CHEAPLY!), why not indeed imbibe also in the spirited shenanigans of a bunch of attractive and funny fags (et al.) doing their silly/boozy/sexy (and allegedly druggy... oooh!) rendition of (OMG!) Puss 'N Boots? Why (OMG!) not, indeed? Rendezvous, 7 pm, $12, 21+.

adrian@thestranger.com