NO PLACE LIKE HOMO
Fuck Thanksgiving! I cannot stress this enough. Pilgrims and Plymouth Rocks and floating giant Underdogs and gravy with guts and footballing drunkles all up in your business—every dry-meated mouthful of it sucks sideways. FUCK IT! Well, founded by Puritans, for Christ's sake. What else could one expect? (Puritans: like Republicans, but civilized countries had the good sense to toss the twisted bastards out. It's history!) But, I reiterate, FUCK IT! Escape from the gizzard-steamed lies of whatever jaded mashed-potato trap you find yourself in (I usually just go get sushi) and into the warm and spangley arms of the premier event of the true gay yuletided season. I speak of Homo for the Holidays: the qualitiest of cabaret talent giving you everything you've ever dreamed of in your queerest Nutcracking Xmess hallucination... plus baubles! (Good old Xmess! A proper pagan holiday!) It's a ginger-spiced spectacular hosted by Ben DeLaCreme and featuring a new guest star every show (Nov 25–27, Dec 2–4, and Dec 24). Tonight's guest is the amazing Jinkx Monsoon! Odd Fellows West Hall, 8 pm, $15 adv/$20 DOS, all ages.
THE DINA, THE DRUGGIE
No more can possibly be said about the Dina Martina. It's ALL been SAID before, thank you. (And mostly by me: Google that shit; it's crazy.) Dina's annual holiday extravaganza opens tonight, and that's all I have to say about that. Because tonight we are going to have JUST as much fun (aren't we? AREN'T WE?!) at the premiere of this year's Judy Garland Christmas Special instead. It's a drag-drenched holiday apocalypse that re-creates the tragio-hilarious broadcast of Judy Garland's drug-and-pathos-drenched teevee Xmess special of '63, before she choked on a bucket of pills and left Liza to carry on the drugs without her. And the best part? FULL FRONTAL MALE NUDITY! A worthy tradition. (Take THAT, DINA!) Open Circle Theater, 7:30 pm, free (opening night), 15+.
OKAY, DINA MARTINA
Maybe you'll get tickets tonight. Since it's not, you know, opening night. Squeeee! (For more info on Dina, seriously, GOOGLE THAT SHIT.) Re-bar, 8 pm, $20, 21+.