WEDNESDAY 3/16

AMBITION, BIG PICTURES, BUTT POPCORN

Being the well-rounded superfaggot that I am, I entertain several interests and/or activities. Among these: Googling myself; drunk-dialing celebrities; rape showers; questioning your commitment to Sparkle Motion; and, of course, FUCKING UP THE DETAILS SOMETIMES. (On purpose? Not? Impossible to tell—best not to fuss about it.) I'm a big-picture kind of 'mo, I'll not apologize! Nevertheless, I feel compelled to note that producer Shannon Carroll invented Lick! and not anybody else (contrary to what I may have reported here earlier), and further, if he were to make out with me more often (with tongue!), I would be far less likely to constantly forget that fact. I further, further feel compelled—for completely other reasons—to emphasize my deep and passionate love of four specific things: the movie 9 to 5 (featuring Parton/Tomlin/Fonda—the inimitable triumvirate!); semicolons; myself; and Central Cinema. Three of these things crash together in glorious collusion tonight as IT'S MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY AND I'M GOING TO GO SEE 9 to 5 AT CENTRAL CINEMA! You should, too! I intend to imbibe several cups of ambition, have screaming conversations with the characters, quote every quote, choke down a barn-sized bed full of delicious pigs in blankets, and belt out disjointed bursts from the title song at really annoying moments. ("STUMBLE TO THE KITCHEN!") I might get arrested. I might hurt somebody! BIRTHDAAAY! (Please note: Neither Central Cinema nor Dolly Parton is in any way officially affiliated with my birthday and/or appalling abuse of the semicolon—but if you bring a photo-copy of your butt, you'll get free popcorn! No kidding.) Central Cinema, 7 pm, $8 adv/$10 DOS, all ages.

FRIDAY 3/18

UM, SOMETHING

Something is happening tonight. A show opening, maybe. Dina something-something. Re-bar, perhaps. I don't really remember. Maybe next week. BIRTHDAAAY!

MONDAY 3/21

MUSIQUARIUM DELACREME

We now fast-forward to Monday: I have no memory of the last five-ish days; there's stale butt popcorn in my hair. And tonight! We stumble down to the Musiquarium (it's been so long!) to enjoy a horrific evening with Ben DeLaCreme, who will guide us with games and spooky banter through the terrifying world of her favorite horror movie du jour—a secret different one every Monday in March! Scary! Delightful! DeLaCremey! Triple Door Musiquarium, 8 pm, free, 21+.