THURSDAY 7/28

LADY BUNNY

"It takes two to make a hole feel tight. It takes three to make it out of sight." So sayeth the gospel of Lady Bunny—the full-figured, wig-farming NYC drag legendess who has given more to fags in frocks than mascara and duct tape combined. Foul-mouthed ruler of Wigstock! To Wong Foo–er! Knower of Alexis Arquette while she still had an actual dick! Bunny almost never leaves her glamorous roost in Noo Yawk these days for some reason, and lucky, lucky, we land smack in the middle of her rare and very mini NW tour. (She bunnies on down to us after performing at Vancouver's surely most peculiar and very Canadian "Gay Pride" or whatever—what do Canadian 'mos DO exactly? Does anyone really understand?—then she leaves us for a night in Portland. Which sounds like a waste of fossil fuel. But nobody asked me.) So sayeth the Bunny, also:

"It's been a while since I've been in Seattle, so even my tired act will seem fresh!"

"Tired act." Oh, how she kids.

"Actually, there are plenty of new bits," the Bunny continueth. "But I never leave out the classics! And this will be a full-length show together with some of Seattle's local favorites." By "local favorites" she means the regular Julia's drag crew, Le Faux.

"I'm also addicted to the incredible food at Pike Place Market," she tells us. "I'm gonna try to squeeze in crumpets with marionberry jam for breakfast, fresh fish for lunch, and Asian yummies for din-din—and I'm there for less than a day!" Gaydies and gentlemen, that is one excellent strategy for avoiding Julia's food.

Lastly, a joke: "What's the difference between a 5-year-old girl and a unicorn? I DON'T HAVE A UNICORN TIED UP IN MY BASEMENT!" But she stole that one from Moby. She told me. The Bunnster (and, no, I'll never call her that again, you're quite welcome) is here for one night only. Miss it and die riddled with regret. Julia's, 300 Broadway E, 9 pm, $25–$40, 18+.

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FRIDAY 7/29

COMEBACK

This is happening, too! (And dark forces will strike me dead if I don't remind you. We have this deal.) Beach Party edition. Chop Suey, 9 pm, $7, 21+.