"I'm fascinated by rap and by hiphop," Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry recently told an MTV reporter. "I think there's a lot of poetry in it. There's a lot of anger, a lot of social energy in it. And I think you'd better listen to it pretty carefully, 'cause it's important."
I have to admit that Kerry's comments cut me to the quick. Was I less hip than a U.S. senator who appears to have been born with a silver stick in his ass? The only hiphop performance I'd ever seen was that rapping granny in The Wedding Singer. Worried that I was missing out on an important art forum infused with poetry, anger, and energy, I asked Charles Mudede, Stranger staffer and self-confessed "scholar nigger," to make a CD for me featuring a selection of hiphop tunes.
The first song was DJ Spinna's "Hold." It opens with what sounded like a fart--not one of those moist buttock-flappers that you might hear on The Howard Stern Show, but a tight, dry toot, the kind of fart your mother might cut in church. I asked Charles about what this fart sound was and he said it's the "beat," created by a "human beatboxer," and not flatulence. Who knew? Then came Lifesavas' "Me," which was almost... music. The song opens with an actual, identifiable musical instrument: Someone is playing the piano! Then, unfortunately, the song proper started, a different human beatbox started farting away, and the piano was almost drowned out.
Oh, hey, we're running out of space. My final duty as your hiphop columnist is to mention some "fat" shows coming up this week. Lifesavas will be performing with their pianist--I hope--at Chop Suey on Thursday, May 13. In fact, let's hope only the pianist shows up. Friday, Cool Nutz performs at Premier. I didn't listen to his CD, but I read through Cool Nutz's press materials and all I have to say is that this man has a very high opinion of his own talent. He is, he tells us, "the epitome of creativity." (It rhymes but is it true?) And Tuesday, May 18, John Kerry and other hiphop fans will pour into Chop Suey to see DJ Spinna play a free show, complete with pre-recorded fart effects.
Editor's note again: You see what we're left with here? Our old hiphop columnist ran off to be in an Eminem cover band, and Dan "I can write about anything in a half hour or less" Savage forces us to let him fill in. Do you have a strong voice in your writing and think you know more about local/national hiphop and can write better than both our editor and Charles "scholar nigger" Mudede? Mail in a cover letter about yourself and clips of your writing to Savage Knows Shit About Hiphop, c/o The Stranger, 1535 11th Ave, third floor, Seattle, WA 98122. Now. Please.
