NEWS

Once again, The Stranger news squad embarks upon its annual Election Night Roundup, also known as Yet Another Excuse to Drink on the Job. Those seeking real insights into the political process are encouraged, as always, to look elsewhere. ALSO: After years of pro-density rantings, ERICA C. BARNETT scribbles a piece decrying density—no doubt spurred by the threatened closing of one of her favorite bars. Advocacy journalism indeed. PLUS: Something about a lawsuit and the Yakima jail. Violins are no doubt being played as we speak. FINALLY: CounterIntel

SHORT FEATURE: Ted Haggard's Crystal Cathedral

Neatly encapsulating The Stranger's chief obsessions—homosexuality and bashing the Christian faith—freelancer NOEL BLACK pens an outrageously unfair diatribe on recently disgraced pastor Ted Haggard. INSULT UPON INJURY: A companion piece by someone named BENJAMIN NICHOLAS—a former male prostitute turned writer, who dares to write about "ethics" and "morals." Egads.

FEATURE: Net Profit

This being a paper populated by little more than college theater majors, the powers that be at The Stranger have been forced to look elsewhere to find someone capable of writing about sports. That someone: the esteemed SHERMAN ALEXIE, doing some startling slumming.