NEWS 11 The viaduct vote is over, but as ever, questions remain, chief among them: Will the soporific duo of ERICA C. BARNETT and JOSH FEIT find something else to write about? Tune in next week, when I will no doubt be reporting that the answer is no. ALSO: Someone named JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE pages through a few police reports and finds that the pantywaists who frequent Capitol Hill are now packing heat. Gays with guns—what's next, dachshunds wearing lip gloss? PLUS: OlyIntel, In Other News, Two from Slog, and In the Hall.

SHORT FEATURE 18 Intimacy, Violence, and Solo TheaterCould there be any more predictable attraction than that of the Stranger writer to the performer of solo theater? Is there even a difference between the two types? I submit, as I have long submitted, that there is not. Both the Stranger writer and the professional monologuist share an unquenchable desire to hear themselves speak, often in the first person, about their hard lives and that time "way back when" when they were fisted by their "massage therapist." Worse, both the monologuist and the Stranger writer think we care. My dear BRENDAN KILEY, I am here to tell you that I, for one, do not.

FEATURE 20 The War on ChewingThis piece finds CHARLES MUDEDE consorting with drug dealers, funding Islamic terrorism, mistaking his expired passport for his wallet, declaring that someone (supposedly not himself) is "intoxicated from lips to toes," and lamenting, at the end of it all, that his buzz of the moment—in this case some African twig called khat—doesn't make him feel sexy. In other words, just another day at the office. Mr. Mudede, when the DEA comes knocking, your name is first from my lips.