NEWS This week's edition of the Decius Shopper & Gazette (commonly known as The Stranger's news section) begins with yet another diatribe by ELI SANDERS against Christianity in general, and Pastor Ken Hutcherson in particular. Mr. Sanders's charges against the good pastor are by this time well recognized, if not outright lore. Still, a week that finds this blasphemous rag resisting the temptation to mock and/or defile the Christian faith would be welcome. I continue, as always, to pray. ALSO: JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE on a local bomb scare. And ERICA C. BARNETT on density—which is rather apropos, when you think about it. PLUS: In the Hall, In Other News, and Police Beat.

SHORT FEATURE Mind the BollocksThe first of this week's two music features finds KURT B. REIGHLEY tackling the incredibly pressing topic of scholarly music discourse—a topic that, if what I'm told about this paper's "music section" is true, is something routinely missing from The Stranger's pages. Unless, of course, the promotion of rampant alcoholism, hazardous drug abuse, and sexual deviancy is now equated with scholarly discourse.

FEATURE Trash Across AmericaSpeaking of all the above: The bigger of this week's music-related features is, of course, devoted to the "joys" of sinful behavior, as the powers that be at this paper somehow sobered themselves up enough—or were properly shocked by the latest results of their STI tests—to ask a local music act called THE TRASHIES to chronicle their tour around the country. The results speak for themselves—if marginally literate grab-assery constitutes results.

PULLOUT Worn Out 2007Yet another installment of The Stranger's fashion issue, wherein a gaggle of writers who can barely dress themselves chronicle the dernier cri of average Seattle citizens. Think Teen Vogue, with more insipid writing. Better yet, don't give it a thought at all.