NEWS First, here's a rare piece of good news from The Stranger's news section: Neither ERICA C. BARNETT nor JOSH FEIT have filed columns this week. Now the bad news: JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE is further squandering whatever shambling future he had coming into his position at The Stranger, this week penning a lead story about purported racial problems at a local private school. In other words, more reflexive liberal claptrappery from Seattle's most irrelevant publication. PLUS: In Other News, Police Beat, and Three from Slog.

FEATURE Escape from Real Bitch IslandIf Stranger staffers were able to pick up the Bible without their hands being scalded, they would no doubt come across this passage: "O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the ends of the earth and say, 'Our fathers possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good.'" That's Jeremiah 16:19, and ELI SANDERS, in particular, would be wise to heed it in regard to his feature story this week on an "internet phenomenon" (whatever that means) named Chris Crocker, whose worthiness of attention evidently involves revealing his innermost secrets to a group of depraved followers on something called YouTube. Just why is Mr. Crocker deemed significant enough for so much verbiage? Mr. Sanders and his editor, Dan Savage, no doubt have a number of rationalizations, but in the interest of brevity I'll boil their excuses down to a simple word: homosexuality. Still, given that "the gays" only make up a scant 15 percent of the population, Mr. Sanders's feature will thankfully go unread by the majority—then again, what Stranger feature can't you say that about?