NEWS Normally, this week's brief news section would be cause for celebration; less real estate, after all, means fewer crimes against journalism. Unfortunately, as noted below, the brevity of the news section comes due to the rapaciousness of this paper's annual Queer Issue, which consumes page after page (after page) in order to top (no pun desired, envisioned, or intended) all of this year's previous promotions of immoral buggery. Insult upon injury: There's still enough room left over for JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE to babble on about the heroics of the OB/GYN Accountability Board. Or something. ALSO: ERICA C. BARNETT tsk-tsks supposed missteps made by City Council Member Sally Clark. PLUS, the usual travesties: In the Hall, From Slog, In Other News, In Other Neighborhoods, and Police Beat.

FEATURE Queer IssueWhere to begin? This out of control, elephantitis-afflicted guide to the homosexual lifestyle covers so much ground—the phrase "from the dawn of humanity to the present" has never been so terrifying—that I assume one would have to be on crystal meth to get through it (and, I suspect, to produce it as well). If anything is proved by this gargantuan collection of sins against nature (and good writing), it is that the maladies of those who have wandered into the arms of inverts include logorrhea—never demonstrated as convincingly as it is here. Shut up, please, you nattering narcissists. I can hear. You are queer. I will never be used to it, but I am thoroughly over it.