NEWS Continuing his hysterical—and, at this point, near criminal—assault on the fine men in blue of the Seattle Police Department, JONAH SPANGENTHAL-LEE kicks off this week's news section with a story on a local car-detailing shop that has complaints about so-called "harassment." On a related note, I have a complaint of my own: When will Josh Feit, or whoever currently has his/her mouth at least momentarily free from the lip of a bong, sit Mr. Spangenthal-Lee down and give him a proper lecture on the rule of law and its necessary companion, the tough cop? Oh, never mind. I should know by now: If the people in this building had an ounce of respect for the rule of law (instead of an ounce in every desk drawer), this entire place would have emptied out long ago, the staff marching en masse to the local police station to turn themselves in for everything from criminal insanity to petty larceny, pedophilia, and illegal poppers distribution. ALSO: ELI SANDERS files another obscenely early report from the frontlines—if by frontlines one means the pub nearest the office—of the 2008 election, and REBECCA TAPSCOTT, an intern, dips her toes into the cesspool with a story on a fire pit—yes, a fire pit—being closed in Fremont. PLUS: CounterIntel, In Other Neighborhoods, and Police Beat.

FEATURE Getting Patrick PregnantJEN GRAVES, whose writing I've often claimed is the only item of merit in this wretched rag, completely jumps the rails this week with an extensive—and by extensive I mean near interminable—"science" feature on the feasibility of male pregnancy. So it's come to this: Not only has The Stranger fully endorsed the abomination of gay marriage, they are now encouraging the outright flouting of nature's most natural, and precious, process.