NEWS

Suggested actions in lieu of reading this week's news section: 1. Go to hardware store. 2. Purchase gallon of paint (any color will do). 3. Once home, remove lid, topple gallon of paint. 4. Stare at puddle of paint until dry. It'll certainly be a more productive use of your time than reading ERICA C. BARNETT's continuing rants about nightclubs, or SARAH MIRK on problems at the University of Washington. ADDING INSULT TO INJURY: In the Hall, In Other News, and Police Beat

SHORT FEATURE: Maria's War

While brave attempts have been made to laugh off the challenge, the potheads at The Stranger must be painfully aware that the New Times crowd knows a thing or two about award-worthy journalism. (Plus, their executive editor, newsman Mike Lacey, can drink Dan Savage under the table any day—of course Mr. Savage can usually be found on his knees under a table somewhere, but it's not usually drink that put him there.) So it's no wonder this week's issue takes a desperate stab at "hard news." The result: JOSH FEIT bloviating for some 1,400 words on Senator Maria Cantwell's position on the Iraq war.

FEATURE: War Crimes

More pandering to flowers-in-the-gun-barrel types, this time from ELI SANDERS. Reporting on Ehren Watada, currently on trial for refusing a deployment to Iraq, Mr. Sanders takes the obvious Stranger position: knee-jerk liberal, short sighted, unpatriotic.