OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


A TOUCH OF THE POET

Closes this week. Yank snobs rub boozing Mick the wrong way. Trouble follows. "This is a long, depressing evening best suited to theater history students and sad sacks." (Rebecca Brown) GreenStage at Sand Point Magnuson Park, 7400 Sand Point Way, bldg. 406, 748-1551. Donation suggested. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through March 23.


THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS

Opening. Americans sure do love prostitution. Starring Ann-Margret! The Paramount Theatre, Ninth & Pine, 292-2787. $20-$56. Tues-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm, Sun at 7:30 pm. Through March 31.


BURN THIS

Opening. Wonky dancer gets in a tizzy over snooty poseur. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $10-$22. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm (no show Wed March 27), Fri-Sat at 8 pm, selected Sat-Sun at 3 pm (call for details). Through April 13.


CHARLOTTE'S WEB

Mmmm, bacon. Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St at Seattle Center, 441-3322. $21.50-$22.50 adults, $14.50-$15.50 senior/student/child. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30 pm. Through March 30.


CHOOZE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: OUTER SPACE AND BEYOND

Reviewed this issue. The second theatrical variation on the kids' books, where you get to decide where the plot goes. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St (at Boren), 444-4315. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through April 13.


CRIMINAL HEARTS

Opening. Female burglar helps wronged wife take revenge on her jerky husband. Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29 plus tax with meal, $15 show only (limited availability). Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm (dinner at 6:30 pm). Through April 20.


DANCING AT LUGHNASA

Closes this week. The joys and woes of five high-stepping Irish gals. Next Step Theater at the Ethnic Cultural Theatre, 3931 Brooklyn Ave NE, 425-746-6604. $12 suggested donation. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Closes March 23.


DON JUAN

The Rep gets back to one of the few things they do well--big period comedies--with Molière's overlooked story of history's most notorious horndog. Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$44 ($10 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through April 13.


FULLY COMMITTED

Solo show about an unemployed actor taking reservations for an ultra-chic restaurant. "Though there are some laughs (thanks to actor R. Hamilton Wright), the script is bland and mechanical--the theatrical equivalent of a bag of potato chips." (Bret Fetzer) A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $24.50-$29.50. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Open run.


INTO THE WEST

Two kids and a horse. What more do you need? Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St at Seattle Center, 441-3322. Adults $21.50-$22.50, senior/student/child $14.50-$15.50. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30 pm. Through April 28.


THE LAST TRUE BELIEVER

Closes this week. "One of the most tedious, brain-numbing theater experiences of my life." (Bret Fetzer) Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$44 ($10 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through March 24.


THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

Opening. About a guy looking for his one and only. Smilewide Productions at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 441-4149. $13 general, $10 students. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through April 13.


THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY

John Longenbaugh adapts G. K. Chesterton's Edwardian spy novel. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $18-$26; students/seniors get a $2 discount (March 27 is pay-what-you-can). Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat at 2 pm. (Starting March 29, Fri nights feature NightCap Comedy Improv at 10:15 pm, $5.) Through April 20.


MARY'S WEDDING

This week only. Reading of a new play about a young Canadian woman during WWI. R.E.D., 89 Yesler Way, third floor, 405-1612. $3 suggested donation. Fri at 7:30 pm.


MEDIEVAL PASSION PLAY

This week only. Actually, two medieval passion plays, plus medieval choral music. The Medieval Women's Choir at Bethany Lutheran Church, 7400 Woodlawn Ave NE, 527-2667. $15 general, $10 student/senior. Sun at 3 pm.


* THE MOST HAPPY FELLA

Closes this week. An old vineyard owner woos a young waitress who thinks he's a strapping young ranch hand. "Even if you feel you're drowning in the play's nostalgia and optimism, the core love story gives this musical a nice quality of vulnerability." (Stacey Levine) The 5th Ave Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave, 292-2787. $17-$58. Tues-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm, Sun at 7:30 pm. Through March 24.


SCHOOLHOUSE ROCKS LIVE!

Opening. A musical based on the public-service cartoons of yore. ReAct at Langston Hughes Cultural Arts Center, 17th & Yesler, 364-3283. $18 general, $15 students/ seniors/military, $12 children. Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm (no show on Easter Sunday). Through April 7.


SEX IN SEATTLE, EPISODE 4: NEW YEAR CONFESSIONS

Opening. The latest installment in this Asian American sex soap opera. SIS Productions at Center House Theatre, Seattle Center House, 305 Harrison St, 323-9443. $12 general, $8 students/seniors/actors. Fri at 10 pm, Sat at 7:30 & 10 pm. Through April 6.


TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON

Opening. Four episodes, all at once. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $15 Fri-Sat, $12 Thurs-Sun (opening night, Fri March 22, is $18). Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through April 27.


THE WAVERLY GALLERY

Reviewed this issue. The Empty Space returns to their Fremont home with this Kenneth Lonergan (You Can Count On Me) play about an elderly woman losing her marbles. The Empty Space, 3509 Fremont Ave N, 547-7500. $22-$30. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm (select Sat-Sun at 2 pm). Through April 6.


DANCE


FREE SELF, FREE SHEEP

This week only. Butoh and Butoh-inspired art. Aftermath, 928 12th Ave, 709-9797. Free. Fri at 8 pm.


* PILOBOLUS

This week only. The only dance company in the world named after a fungus. UW World Series at Meany Hall, UW campus, 543-4880. $35. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm.


FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


CARNIVALE MASQUERADE BALL

This week only. UMO Ensemble throws a party. Fremont UNconventional Centre, 160 N Canal St, 463-2128. $15 with costume, $20 without. Sat at 9 pm.


CIRCUS CONTRAPTION

Reviewed this issue. Baroque Wrestlers, the Beer Bottle Orchestra, and more. Sand Point Magnuson Park, 7400 Sand Point Way NE, 442-2004. $15 (opening weekend is pay-what-you-can). All shows 21 and over, Fri-Sat at 8:30 pm, except all-ages show on Sun March 24 at 7 pm. Through April 6.


* DIVAS ON PARADE

This week only. Singing from just about every damn female performer in town, from Joanne Klein to Peggy Platt. Mae West Fest at the Seattle Repertory Theatre's Leo K. Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 860-2970. $25. Mon at 7:30 pm.


MARKET FRESH IMPROV

Opening. The audience selects from a menu of improv games. Market Theatre, Post Alley (you know, down below the pig), 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Open run.


THE SHUNPIKE FOLLIES

This week only. A mix of music, theater, poetry, film (including Erik Maahs' delightful bluecoatedstory), and more, hosted by Lenny & the Gooch. The Shunpike Arts Collective at Fremont UNconventional Centre, 160 N Canal St, 297-3064. $6. Fri at 9 pm.


LATE NIGHT


* NEITHER/NOR #1

This week only. A late-night mélange packed with the likes of Bald Faced Lie, Heidi Schreck, John Kaufmann, Juliet Waller, and more. Li'l Red Shack Gallery, 1028 First Ave S, no reservations. $10. Fri at 10 pm.


THIS IS BURLESQUE

This week only. See Stranger Suggests. The tawdry, titillating art of bump and grind, featuring scantily clad girls and boys. The Catwalk, 172 Washington St, no reservations. $8 cover (21+ only). Thurs at 10 pm.


LONG RUNS

CABARET: THE ResERECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339; at the Ethnic Cultural Theater, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at A Contemporary Theatre, 292-7676.

MYSTERIAN at Illusionz Magical Entertainment Center, Issaquah, 425-427-2444.

QUEER AS A THREE-DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, 800-992-8499.

THEATERSPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.


ELSEWHERE


INTO THE WOODS

Closes this week. Stephen Sondheim's fairy-tale musical, performed by kids ages 16-18. Youth Theatre Northwest, 8805 SE 40th St, Mercer Island, 232-2202. $10 (group discounts available). Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through March 24.


MAKING TRACKS

A rock musical about generations of Asian American history. Village Theatre, 303 Front St N, Issaquah, 425-392-2202. $36-$42 general, $32 seniors, $25 anyone 18 and under. Tues-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through April 21.


TRIBUTE

One week only. A mix of pieces by or dedicated to choreographer Jan Collum. ARC Dance Productions at Shorecrest Performing Arts Center, 15343 25th Ave NE, Shoreline, 206-325-6500. $15 in advance, $20 at the door. Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm.

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