OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS


THE ARK

A musical retelling of the story of Noah. Village Theatre, 303 Front St N, Issaquah, 425-392-2202. $26-$42. Tues-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through April 20.

CLOSER THAN EVER

Final week. A cheery musical revue about the mile marks of pain and regret passed on the slow road to the grave. Written by Richard Maltby Jr. and David Shire. PONCHO Concert Hall, Kerry Hall, 710 E Roy St, 325-6500. $8-$10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through March 30.

LA BOHEME

Puccini's familiar opera set in the country of sissies and cowards (that shall remain spineless), as performed by the youth of America. Seattle Opera Company's Young Artist Program at Meydenbauer Center, 11100 NE Sixth Street, Bellevue, 389-7676. $15-$28. Fri-Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through April 6.

GO, DOG. GO!

Word on the street says this shit's got the kiddies cracking up like there's no tomorrow. Get super high and join the fun. Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, 441-3322. $12.50-$19.50. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through May 4.

HARD TIMES

"As the expression goes, Charles Leggett steals (or steals a considerable part of) the show as the vulgar capitalist Josiah Bounderby, who owns Coketown's bleakest factory and is married to the sensitive daughter (Heather Guiles) of Mr. Thomas Gradgrind (Brian Thompson), who also steals a healthy portion of the show--not with the hilarity and energy that Leggett generates every moment he is on the stage, but with the perfection with which he reproduces the stern schoolmaster. In a word, go to this play no matter what your circumstances might be--overemployed or underemployed; receiving bonuses or welfare. It's a great play based on a great book by the always wonderful Charles Dickens." (Charles Mudede) Book-It Repertory Theatre at Seattle Center House, 305 Harrison St, 770-0880. $12-$22. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through April 6.

KICKING THE HAT

Final week. "Faye B. Summers understands the landmines that lurk in the fertile soil of the one-person show. She describes the solo show as "the last bastion of the desperate" (I'm still laughing) and assures us (God bless her) that there will be no "heroic survivors, hapless victims," or necessarily "marginalized" characters in hers. And to her credit, there were no "marginalized, hapless victims." Yet even for that, I remain firmly not too excited." (Adrian Ryan) ArtsWest Theater, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0399. $10-$24. Wed-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun matinees at 3 pm. Through March 29.

THE LAST NIGHT OF BALLYHOO

By the author of Driving Miss Daisy, another heartwarming commentary on social hierarchy, this time set in 1939 debutante Atlanta. A wealthy Jewish family questions its heritage as its country prepares for war. Taproot Theatre Company, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $10-$26. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm. Through April 26.

THE MILLIONAIRESS

Final week. "I'm a big fan of the Liberty Deli's quirky take on dinner theater. It's thrillingly weird eating corned beef and coleslaw three inches away from a stage full of actors working up a salty lather. Which is why I'm sad to report that their latest production of George Bernard Shaw's socialist farce is ill-prepared and overwrought." (Tamara Paris) Steeplechase Productions at Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $15. Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm. Through March 29.

MURDER AT CRAGGY ROCK

Final week. A Wild West musical-mystery-comedy set to steak, featuring characters with names like Slappy, Hap Hazard, El Gatito, and Fifi. Northwest Murder Mysteries at Rock Salt Steak House, 1232 Westlake Ave N, 706-7575. $50, includes meal. Sat at 8 pm. Through March 29.

NICKY SOMEWHERE ELSE

Final week. Apparent mental illness, as masked by the notion of a child's "imagination." Nicky Somewhere Else journeys through the world of imaginary twins, pet rabbits, Santa Claus, and other telling delusions. Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $12-$26. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 and 5:30 pm. Through March 30.

NOTORIOUS WOMEN

This week only. Vignettes on villains vaginal: history's infamous females explored in a new play directed by Meghan Arnette. Live Girls! Theater, 620 Alaskan Way, second floor, 568-1985 ext 3. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm.

PR GOLEM

Final week. A play based on the mythical creature from Jewish folklore, as based on a short story by Antoni Geimer. ArtsWest Studio Theater, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0963. $10. Fri-Sat at 7:30 pm. Through March 29.

PRICK

"No other actor in town is better at bringing to life multiple characters and myriad settings on a bare stage than the dazzlingly virtuosic K. Brian Neel, and his newest offering showcases his skills admirably. However, Prick is a strange and unsettling experience, not for the faint of heart." (Tamara Paris) Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 325-6500. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through April 5.

RADIO ACTIVITY #6

Opening. Theater Under the Influence tunes in to a selection of radio serials from the '30s and '40s--including Flash Gordon, The Romance of Helen Trent, and Suspense--for a live-action performance. Theatre Under the Influence at Union Garage, 1416 10th Ave, 720-7942. $12-$14. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 6 pm. Through April 19.

ROMEO AND JULIET

See review this issue. West Side Story, but in fancier pants. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Seattle Center, 443-2222. $15-$40. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through April 20.

SEX IN SEATTLE, EPISODE 6: VICIOUS VALENTINES

See review this issue. Just in time for Valentine's Day (wait, what?) comes the latest installment of Sex in Seattle, the long-running serial about those sassy, sexual women of Asia. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 323-9443. $8-$12. Fri-Sat at 8 and 10:30 pm. Through April 5.

THE SICKEST F***ING STORIES I EVER HEARD

See review this issue. Five real actors sit around a real table, playing a real game of poker for real money, while telling real stories about real gross events. Northwest Goga Theatre at Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 441-5823. $8. Every fourth Thurs at 9 pm. Through May 22.

THE SPEED OF DARKNESS

Opening. Steve Tesich's anti-war riff in the key of 'Nam. Fool's Cathedral at Velocity MainSpace Theater, 915 E Pine St, second floor, 325-8773. $15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through April 27.

UNDERNEATH THE LINTEL

See review this issue. After a book is returned to a library 113 years late, a fanatical Dutch librarian begins a mad search for its patron. Empty Space Theatre, 3509 Fremont Ave N, 547-7500. $22-$35. Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7:30 pm. Through April 19.

* WOMEN WITH BALLS

Final week. "Finally, someone has managed to tackle a social issue without beating the audience to death with it. The concept is simple: Four fun and talented women perform what seems like a collection of history reports written by sassy budding feminists. Set to music. With butt jokes. This show is breezy, not preachy; lighthearted, not pointy-headed; and even a touch (ouch) educational." (Adrian Ryan) Red & Me at Bathhouse Theater, 7312 W Green Lake Drive N, 325-6500. $12-$18. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7:30 pm. Through March 29.

THE YELLOW WALLPAPER

Opening. The maddening qualities of a dingy, unkempt household explored in a world premiere adaptation of Charlotte Perkins Gilman's claustrophobic classic. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12-$15. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through April 26.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY


BABA YAGA & THE BAG OF GOLD

Final week. Russian folklore and puppets. Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. $7.50-$9.50. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 1 and 3 pm. Through March 30.

BALD-FACED LIE CABARET

One night only. Kicking off 2003's series, Bald-Faced Lie welcomes April Fool's Day with a special cabaret performance. Bald-Faced Lie at Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 223-9873. $3. Tues April 1 at 7 pm.

BURNINGHEARTS BURLESQUE

One night only. BurningHearts presents its latest evening of smut, with a fetish-fueled burlesque tribute to the impending season entitled Flora, Fauna, & Folly. Rendezvous, 2320 Second Ave, 441-5823. $10. Sat March 29 at 8 and 9 pm.

FRENCH CABARET ON BROADWAY 2003

Buncha French songs, sung in French by Frenchies. Le Centre Français, 623 Broadway Ave E, 726-4843. $8-$10. Sat at 8:30 pm. Through May 17.

VACLAV HAVLIK

Czech-born magician Havlik dazzles over dinner. Bouchee, 3510 Fremont Ave N, TK. Free with dinner. Open engagement.

IMPROV! COMEDY AND MORE!

Final week. It's not clear what the "and more!" portion of the evening holds, but I hope it has something to do with Reddi-wip. Ain't nothin' funny like Reddi-wip. Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, third floor, 425-417-5667. $10. Sat March 29 at 10 pm.

IT'S ALL THE SAME

Final week. Gender-bent cabaret starring local theater veterans Karen Gruber and Doug Knoop. Thumper's Restaurant & Lounge, 1500 E Madison St, 328-3800. $10. Sun March 30 at 8:30 pm.

LOUNGE LIZARDS

Final week. If life is a cabaret, please kill me. The Velveteens--a lounge trio and their pianist--gut the standards for your entertainment. Straight-Edge Theatrics at Thumper's Restaurant & Lounge, 1500 E Madison St, 328-3800. $15. Fri-Sat March 28-29 at 8:30 pm.

THE WARM-UP COMEDIAN IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE

Final week. A frantic cabaret of comedy, dance, and giant seagulls featuring Jeannette Allée, John Paulsen, Haxby Wisepenny, and Pizzazz! sensation Pepé Quick. Theatre Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm. Through March 29.

DANCE


COMING UNGLUED

Final week. Recently diagnosed with epilepsy, choreographer Holly Eckert makes lemonade with a new performance tracing the disease as metaphor. Holly Echert at Freehold's Easthall Theatre, Oddfellows Hall, 1529 10th Ave, second floor, 297-1844. $10-$12. Fri-Sat March 28-29 at 8 pm.

THE MUSIC AND DANCE OF JAVA

This week only. Though at press time I was unable to find one person who could firmly tell me Java's exact geographic location (Indonesia, friends), they apparently have something of a thriving dance culture--and I for one think that it's about time we celebrated it. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. $12-$15. Fri March 28 at 8 pm.

LONG RUNS
BROADVILLE CARNIVAL at Cafe Venus, 624-4516.

CABARET: THE ResERECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

* THE HOKUM SHOW at Hokum Hall, 937-3613.

JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339; at the Ethnic Cultural Theater, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at ACT, 292-7676.

QUEER AS A THREE-DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, 800-992-8499.

THEATRESPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.

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