ALL MEAT SHOW · A Theatre Near You

BARTLEBY · Annex Theatre

DEFLOWERED IN THE ATTIC · Re-bar

THE HABIT · Annex Theatre

MINOTAUR · On the Boards

ROSMERSHOLM · Nordic Heritage Museum

WIT · Seattle Repertory Theatre

ONE WEEK ONLY

TAP DOGS · Pantages Theater

TURF & EXHALE · Chamber Theater

VOICES OF JAZZ, DANCED · Spectrum

CLOSING THIS WEEK

BEAUTIFUL AND SHINING LIKE ASPHALT · Gregory Hischak

A CHORUS LINE · Broadway Performance Hall

DISGRUNTLED BIT PLAYERS · Union Garage

QUILTERS · Taproot

RIVERDANCE · Paramount

THUGS · Odd Duck Studios

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

ALL MEAT SHOW

Meat themes abound in this selection of six short plays, written and performed by local playwrights and actors, produced by A Theatre Near You. There's sure to be something for everyone. The Parlour Room, 163 S Jackson, Third Floor, 287-1900. Wed-Thurs Oct 13-14; Fri-Sat Oct 22-23; Wed-Thurs Oct 27-28, at 8. $8.

BARTLEBY

You would prefer not to miss this thoughtful production of Melville's pivotal story, in which a young man finds that he serves only as a symbol. Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. Thurs-Sat at 8; Sun at 7, through Nov 6. $10.

BEAUTIFUL AND SHINING LIKE ASPHALT

The clever and talented Gregory Hischak (slam poet and editor of the zine Farm Pulp) offers words for the stage in this collection of "dialogues, disconnects, and misunderstandings" performed by Theatre Under the Influence. Hischak's humor never fails to please. Union Garage Performance Space, 1418 10th Ave at Pike, 720-1942. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Oct 9. $10.

CAT ON A HOT TIN ROOF

"This fringe production sinks Williams' extravagant grace in bombastics and miscasting. Nearly all of the actors engage in the howling, mad-eyed gesticulations of a lowbrow farce, which pushes the proceedings dangerously close to camp." (Steve Wiecking) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun Oct 3 & Oct 17 at 2, through Oct 23. $12.

A CHORUS LINE

If you don't know what I mean by "tits and ass," you should probably haul yours to this re-staging of the 1975 Broadway musical classic, taken on by Seattle's Repertory Actors Theatre (ReAct). Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 364-3283. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, through Oct 10. $12-$24.

DEFLOWERED IN THE ATTIC

Those perverts at Re-bar molest V. C. Andrews in this world-premiere parody of everyone's favorite incestuous adolescent fiction. Penned by Imogen Love and Kevin Mesher, and directed by Annex mainstay Ed Hawkins, Deflowered boasts a perfectly smashing cast, featuring the aforementioned Love and Mesher, along with Gregory Musick, Matt Whitman, Shane Wahlund, and the terrifyingly talented Nick Garrison. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 323-0388. Fri-Sun at 8, through Nov 21. $12.

GOLDEN CHILD

Tradition and trendiness clash in David Henry Hwang's family planning play. When Andrew learns his wife is pregnant, he is visited by the ghost of his mother, who reminds him of his ancestors in China. The story of Andrew's grandfather's conversion to Westernism ensues. David Hwang won the 1988 Tony, and Golden Child has been described as "sharply comic." Seattle Repertory Theatre, Seattle Center, Second & Mercer St, 443-2222. Tues-Sun at 7:30, Sat-Sun at 2, through Oct 30. $10-$29.

Late Night Catechism

And the nun goes on. Somebody really likes cute Catholics. This is an evening of audience participation and interactive improv theater: think Sister Windy crossed with Sister Mary Ignatius Explains It All for You. ACT, 700 Union St, 292-7676. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, extended for eternity. $24.50-$29.50.

MINOTAUR

The tale of the Minotaur and the maze offers a juicy metaphor for modern politics, and writer David Russell takes the bull by the horns for this clever update. King Minos is a slick politician, but even he can't keep rumblings of his wife's meaty affair from the tabloids ("Rumors of Monster Child Rock Palace"). Add multimedia (even scents!) and fancy sets and you've got a promising satire. On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. Thurs-Sun at 8, through Oct 17. $10-$12.

OLIVER

A touching tale about a malnourished orphan child sent through the grueling London underground where, aside from lice, he also picks up pickpocketing tips -- with your favorite songs such as "Where is Love," "Consider Yourself," and "As Long As He Needs Me," sung by Seattle's talented Civic Light Opera. Jane Addams Theater, 11051 34th NE, 363-2809. Thurs-Sat at 8; Sun at 2:30, through Oct 23. $16-$20.

ORPHANS

Remember The Boxcar Children? Orphans runs along the same lines: Two brothers, Treat and Phillip, live an edgy existence, parentless in a mean, mean city. When the brothers kidnap drunk businessman Harold, they find a parent figure who "heralds encouragement and hope." Partial proceeds of this Stepping Stone Production benefit the Seattle Children's Home, Peace for the Streets by Kids from the Street, and Camp Opportunity. Freedom Hall, 3815 Fifth Ave NE, 841-2521. Thurs-Sat at 8; Sun at 7, extended through Oct 23. $12 ($2 off with donation of a pair of clean socks or clean blanket).

ROSMERSHOLM

Living in sin with the companion of his late wife, John Rosmer's political aspirations fall further and further away as his conservative neighbors spread wildfire gossip. One of Ibsen's lesser-known plays, this new translation of Rosmersholm is offered up by the Nordic Heritage Museum as part of its first season of Scandinavian drama. Nordic Heritage Museum, 3014 NW 67th St, 789-5707. Fri-Sat at 8; Sun at 1, through Oct 16. $8/$10.

QUILTERS

The story of pioneer women who packed it all up to follow their dreams, this collection of stories and songs is sure to keep you in stitches when it's not smothering you in sentiment. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri at 8, Sat at 2 & 8, through Oct 9. $14-$22.

*THE ROYAL FAMILY

A stage family from Broadway's golden age brings nostalgic fun to the Intiman, in this revival of George S. Kaufman and Edna Ferber's theatrical classic. Intiman Playhouse, Seattle Center, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. Sun, Tues, & Wed at 7; Thurs-Sat at 8; Sat-Sun 2 pm matinees, through Nov 14. $10-$39. See review this issue.

SIDE MAN

Described by The New York Times as "sentimental and darkly funny," Side Man follows a family falling apart because of a father's obsession. ACT's performance is directed by Mladen Kiselov. "Sometimes boisterous, sometimes melancholy, and sometimes, deftly, both these qualities at once, ACT's Side Man often resembles the vital music it celebrates. Blessed with Narelle Sissons' set and Eric Chappelle's sound design surrounding the audience in memory, Mladen Kiselov's production is a rewarding, if imperfect, evening of theater." (Steve Wiecking) ACT, Kreielsheimer Place, Seventh Ave & Union St, 292-7676. Tues-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 7, some matinees, through Oct 17. $10-$40.

STRINGS OF WONDER

The photo accompanying the press release for Strings of Wonder shows leading Chinese marionettist Huang Yi Que in a white suit, invigorating a very charming looking monkey wearing a yellow Communist scarf. Huang is renowned worldwide for his abilities; now nearly 60, he himself may be the wonder. Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. Fri at 7:30; Sat-Sun at 1 & 3, through Oct 24. $6.50-$8.50.

THUGS

Thugs, a Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival finalist for Best New Play, combines an enthusiastic assassin, her lackadaisical partner, and a missing 19-year-old girl who may or may not have been abducted by aliens in this darkly comic Seattle debut. Produced by Dark House Theatre. Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 522-2641. Thurs-Sat at 8, through Oct 9. $8/$10.

TURF & EXHALE

Interdisciplinary performances that feature themes of cultural and social disassociation: Turf employs video interviews with women in prison, homeless youth, and Chief of Police Norm Stamper, alongside a graffiti set installation, with spoken word and rap; Exhale is choreographer Cheronne Wong's dance performance that borrows concepts of movement from salsa, martial arts, chi kung, and modern dance, set to music by Bahia Black, Tito Puente, and others. The Chamber Theater, 915 E Pine St, 903-9487. Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun at 2, this week only. $10/$8.

WIT

A Donne scholar who has spent her life dissecting poetry suddenly finds herself on the other end of the 'scope when she is diagnosed with cancer. Margaret Edson's Pulitzer Prize-winning script tries to find the human side to analysis. With Megan Cole as Vivan Bearing, Ph.D. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Second St & Mercer, 443-2222. Tues-Sun at 7:30; Sat-Sun matinees at 2, through Nov 20. $29-$42.

DANCE

RIVERDANCE

The Celtic phenomenon that outdid Enya arrives on Seattle's stage. The sets are huge, the music is shrill, and the taps are deafening; buy tickets for Grandma now. Paramount, 911 Pine St, 292-2787. Tues-Fri at 8; Sat at 2 & 8; Sun at 2 & 7:30, through Oct 10. $30-$65.

TAP DOGS

The Australian version of Stomp on steroids, Tap Dogs was nicknamed "Testosterone Tap" by the British Press, and now this steel-on-the-stage production hits Tacoma, one night only. Pantages Theater, 901 Broadway, Tacoma, 253-591-5894. Wed Oct 13 at 7:30. $20-$52.

VOICES OF JAZZ, DANCED

Live jazz by Greta Matassa and a five-piece ensemble inspire the 10-member Spectrum dance company to pay tribute to vocalists such as Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday, and to explore the idea of improvisation in music and movement. The Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, 325-4161. Thurs-Sat at 8; Sun at 2, this week only. $16-$50.

FESTIVALS, CABARETS, & COMEDY

IMPROSIA

Character-driven improv based on audience suggestions. Wit's End, 770 N 34th St, tickets at the door. Sat at 9:30, through Oct 15. $7.

Julie Cascioppo Experience

Songs and characters you may grow to love. The Pink Door, Pike Place Market, 1919 Post Alley, 443-3241. Tues at 8:30 & 11. No cover.

FEEL YOU UP

A self-help seminar parody: Humor is the best remedy, you know. Ensemble improv with audience participation. Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. Wed at 8, through Oct 27. $5.

PIANOMANIA EIGHT

A tickling good time: Professor Hokum W. Jeebs, Louis Magor, and more offer an old-fashioned night of piano. Hokum Hall, 7904 35th Ave, 937-3613. Fri-Sat at 8, through Nov 20. $12/$10.

*THREE DOLLAR BILL

Seattle's original gay/lesbian/bisexual stand-up comedy night is still standing in its second year. Comedy Underground, 222 S Main St, 324-8025. Tues at 9. $6.

LATE NIGHT

DISGRUNTLED BIT PLAYERS

Sketch comedy so sadomasochistic that timid Seattle audiences may be forced to bite their tongues to draw blood. Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 729-4839. Fri-Sat at 11, through Oct 8. $5.

THE HABIT

Your fix is back, and this sketch comedy troupe has a whole new bag of tricks, from musical oddities to TV commercial parodies. Annex Theatre, 1916 Fourth Ave, 728-0933. Fri-Sat at 11, through Oct 30. $5.

SPIN THE BOTTLE

Annex's late-night performance is a slumgullion of juggling, dance, singing, and silhouettes, cultivated by the finely tuned Bret Fetzer. Annex Theater, 1916 Fourth Ave, 729-0933. First Fri of every month. No reservations. $5.

TWILIGHT ZONE LIVE ON STAGE

Surreality serves you well when you're in...The Twilight Zone. Theater Schmeater presents two new episodes: "The Sixteen Millimeter Shrine," in which an aging Hollywood actress finds herself caught up in her old films; and "A Kind of a Stopwatch," in which a watch that actually stops time is found to be less of a blessing than might be thought. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit between Pike and Pine, 324-5801. Fri-Sat at 11, through Oct 23. $8, under 18 is free.