OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL
The name says it all. Unexpected Productions at Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. $14. Fri–Sat at 8, Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 24.

BABES IN THE WOOD
One night only. A traditional British-style "panto" (children's farce that encourages booing, cheering, and audience participation) with a cross-dressed Robin Hood and a melodramatically evil Sheriff of Nottingham. The Fremont Players at Hale's Palladium, 4301 Leary Way NW, www.fremonstor.org. $5–$10. Fri Dec 9 at 7 pm.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER
Opening. The scruffy bad kids invade a local church's nativity play and everyone learns the true meaning of Christmas or something. Based on the book by Barbara Robinson. Seattle Public Theater at the Bathhouse, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 524-1300. $12–$20. Opening Fri Dec 9 at 7 pm. Sat at 7 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 24.

BLACK NATIVITY
The annual gospel song play by Langston Hughes. With Rev. Dr. Samuel B. McKinney and Felicia Loud, directed by Jacqueline Moscou. Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $10–$42. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 and 7:30 pm, Tue–Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 24.

recommended BLOODY MESS
One week only. See Theater News. On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $24. Opening Thurs Dec 8 at 8 pm. Fri–Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 11.

THE CHERRY ORCHARD
Final week. A UW production of the Chekhov classic, directed by "Honored Artist of Russia" Leonid Anisimov. Penthouse Theatre, NE 45th St and NE 17th Ave, 543-4880. $6–$13. Thurs–Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 11.

A CHILD'S CHRISTMAS IN WALES
The lovely Dylan Thomas poem, staged. Stone Soup Theatre, 4035 Stone Way N, 633-1883. $12. Fri-Sat at 3 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 3 pm. Through Dec 17.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL
"Humbug," etc. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $15–$37. Thurs–Fri at 6 and 8:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7 pm, Sun at 1 and 4 pm, Tues–Wed at 6 and 8:30 pm. Through Dec 25.

CLOUD TECTONICS
"Aníbal, a baggage slinger at LAX, picks up the mysterious, horny, and very pregnant Celestina, around whom time slows to a crawl. Their strange one-night/years-long courtship is sensual, but director Aimée Bruneau keeps the atmosphere innocent and open, charming us into the play's fantasy. José Rivera's script is richly poetic, sometimes carelessly so. It is easier to believe in warped laws of physics than muddy characters." (Brendan Kiley) Capitol Hill Arts Center, 1621 12th Ave, 388-0569. $18 adv/$20 DOS. Thurs–Sat at 7:30 pm, Mon at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 17.

recommended THE COMPENDIUM OF NASTINESS
Extended. "This twisted Gothic romance, performed in a velvet-lined garage, has been extended for the third time. Writer/director Ki Gottberg invites the audience into her kitchen for champagne before leading them downstairs, where actor Elizabeth Kenny jumps between a dozen characters with crude puppets, including a sodomy-happy she-devil, a sweet young naïf, and a junkie monk. The garage seats a maximum of 14, so make reservations." (Brendan Kiley) The Womb (AKA Ki Gottberg's Garage), tickets and directions available through 800-838-3006. $15. Fri–Sat at 8:30 pm. Through Jan 27.

recommended DAVE GORMAN'S GOOGLEWHACK! ADVENTURE
Final week. See review this issue. Moore Theatre, 1932 Second Ave, 292-2787. $15–$28.50. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 5 and 9 pm. Through Dec 10.

DEAF KIDS DRAMA FESTIVAL
One day only. Four plays by deaf students with voice interpretation provided. Seattle Children's Theatre, 201 Thomas St, 443-6938. $6–$9. Sat Dec 10 at 2:30 and 5:30 pm.

DEFENDING THE CAVEMAN
Ongoing. A mid-'90s relic about the supposed prehistoric propensities of the two sexes. ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $39.50–$45. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 3 pm. Tickets available through Dec 31.

recommended THE DINA MARTINA CHRISTMAS SHOW
"A sixth-string 'celebrity' performing a solo Christmas song-and-dance show is sad; warp that celebrity beyond the ken of clinical psychology and you've got the heartbreakingly hilarious Dina Martina, an atonal crooner with the grace of a hippo on roller skates. She is the soul and flower of mindfucking surrealism." (Brendan Kiley) Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 448-8464. $18. Thurs–Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 31.

DINNER & DREAMS
Ongoing. The dinner-theater extravaganza, with European-style cirque performances as garnish. Teatro ZinZanni, 2301 Sixth Ave, 802-0015. $99. Thurs–Sat at 6:30 pm, Sun at 5:30 pm (some additional Wed shows).

DR. BRAIN
Short farces on the medical profession, including a Viagra overdose. By Tom Scanlon. Waffle Theater at Rendezvous, 2322 Second Ave, 309-8947. $5–$10. Fri at 6 and 8 pm, Sat at 4:30 pm. Through Dec 17.

EVERYXMASSTORYEVERTOLD
A holiday show mashup. Historic University Theater, 5510 University Way NE, 352-8291. $10–$15. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 24.

FELLOW PASSENGERS TO THE GRAVE
Opening. A grittier adaptation of A Christmas Carol that restores oft-omitted characters and scenes. Featuring Todd Jefferson Moore, Marty Mukhalian, and Nathan Smith. Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 800-838-3006. $20. Opening Thurs Dec 8 at 7:30 pm. Fri–Sun at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 23.

FORBIDDEN XMAS
A Seattle-specific holiday spoof. Empty Space Theatre, 3509 Fremont Ave N, 547-7500. $20–$30. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri–Sat at 8 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 23.

HAM FOR THE HOLIDAYS: DESPERATE SPUDDWIVES
The seventh of the "Ham" comedy shows by Lisa Koch and Peggy Platt (Dos Fallopia). Theatre Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave S, 325-6500. $20–$22. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 4 and 8 pm, Sun at 4 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 24.

HOLIDAY TRIPLE X
Three new plays (by Dickey Nesenger, Brooke Rogers, and Regan deVictoria) featuring the same four characters. Live Girls! Theater, 2220 NW Market, www.brownpapertickets.com. $7–$10. Fri–Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 16.

recommended LITTLE WOMEN
See review this issue. Book-It at Center House Theatre, Seattle Center, 216-0833. $15–$30. Thurs–Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 23.

MENOPAUSE THE MUSICAL™
Ongoing. "What makes this toweringly formulaic crap about dusty uteruses even moderately bearable? The consummate cast was ferocious and fast. Ninety tight minutes of an insane, colorful, and sometimes actually laugh-worthy little train wreck that stops just before it starts to hurt." (Adrian Ryan) ACT Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $45. Thurs–Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 4 and 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm, Tues–Wed at 8 pm. Tickets available through Dec 31.

OPENING NIGHT
Final week. "A warm comedy" about what happens backstage and in the audience during a theater performance. By Norm Foster, Canada's popular living playwright! Next Step Theater at Theatre4, Seattle Center, 800-838-3006. $8–$10. Thurs–Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 10.

KRAPP'S LAST TAPE
Opening. Jerry Lloyd revives his take on the Beckett play, with Krapp as Richard Nixon. Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 353-7556. $15 suggested donation. Opening Fri Dec 9 at 8 pm. Sat–Mon at 8 pm. Through Dec 19.

RESTORATION COMEDY
A world premiere by Amy Freed (The Beard of Avon) based on the decadent comedies of Restoration England. Directed by Sharon Ott. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Seattle Center, 443-2222. $10–$46. Fri–Mon at 8 pm. Through Jan 7.

SADIE'S KITCHEN
Final week. "Sadie, a middle-class black matriarch in New Orleans, lives with her daughter Clarice and wacky divorced sister Vesta. Clarice is pregnant, but wants an abortion. Vesta wants a cocktail and a new outfit. Sadie just wants to know what that "strange white man watching this house" is up to. Sadie's Kitchen isn't fully realized. It would be standard melodrama if the cast exhibited even the slightest bit of, well, drama." (Lindy West) Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center, 104 17th Ave S, 736-8027. $15 adv/$18 DOS. Thurs–Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 3 pm. Through Dec 11.

THE SANTALAND DIARIES
The David Sedaris stories, performed. Seattle Public Theatre at the Bathhouse, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 524-1300. $12–$20. Thurs-Sat at 9 pm, Sun at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 24.

SHOPPERS CARRIED BY ESCALATORS INTO THE FLAMES
Final week. "Playwright Denis Johnson wrangles equal parts pathos and comedy out of the self-destructive Cassandra family with gunplay, a tequila binge, and spiteful wedding ceremony. Shoppers is sloppy and unfocused, but there are enough sharp lines and exciting moments to keep our attention through the flab." (Brendan Kiley) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $18, Thurs by donation. Thurs–Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 10.

THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Famous film critic Pauline Kael initially panned the movie, calling it The Sound of Mucus. Supposedly, Kael lost her job for that one. 5th Avenue Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave, 292-2787. $19–$71. Thurs–Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Sun at 1:30 and 7 pm, Tues–Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 18.

recommended STONES IN HIS POCKETS
"Two capable actors play 13 characters in this Irish comedy (meaning a comedy with pathos) about the Hollywood jackasses who invade an Irish village to film The Quiet Valley and the local Irish extras. Stones isn't life-changing, but it's very entertaining." (Brendan Kiley) Capitol Hill Arts Center, 1621 12th Ave, 388-0569. $15 adv/$18 DOS. Thurs–Sat at 7 pm. Through March 11.

THURSDAY NIGHT IN BAGHDAD
Final week. See review this issue. Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike, 324-6328. $8–$10. Fri–Sun at 8 pm. Through Dec 11.

THE TRIAL OF EBENEZER SCROOGE
Scrooge sues Marley and the Christmas ghosts for kidnapping and assault. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $19–$30, Wednesday by donation. Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 2 and 8 pm, Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 30.

'TWAS A NIGHT OF SHITTY THEATER
"A staged reading of the 'worst Christmas scripts ever.' Apart from a few good jokes, the parody doesn't work." (Brendan Kiley) Open Circle Theater, 429 Boren Ave N, 382-4250. $10. Thurs–Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 17.

VOICES OF CHRISTMAS
Annual holiday show with skits and music about the Christmas season. ArtsWest Playhouse, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $12–$28. Thurs–Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat–Sun at 3 and 7:30 pm, Tues–Wed at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 26.

recommended WONDERFUL LIFE: THE HOLIDAYS ON CAPITOL HILL
"A holiday show cobbled together from interviews with Capitol Hill residents? Sounds like a recipe for awful, but, glory be, Wonderful Life doesn't suck. And it isn't a family show. Characters talk about tweakers, love affairs, local bars, I Anonymous, first apartments, and decades-old reminiscences. The fast-paced production had a few hiccups and boggy bits but was much more pleasurable than I expected." (Brendan Kiley) WET at the Little Theatre, 608 19th Ave E, 800-838-3006. $10–$15. Thurs–Mon at 8 pm. Through Dec 23.

DANCE

FIRESIDE SERIES
One weekend only. A joint project between the Nature Consortium, the Seattle Parks Department, and Phffft! Dance Theatre Company. Camp Long Lodge, 5200 35th Ave SW, www.phffft.org. $5 suggested donation. Thurs–Fri at 7 pm.

NUTCRACKER
Music by Tchaikovsky, sets and costumes by Maurice Sendak, choreography by Kent Stowell! Yeah! McCaw Hall, 321 Mercer St, 441-2424, $18–$102. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat at 2 and 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 and 5:30 pm, Wed at 7:30. Through Dec 28.

CABARET

COLUMBIA CITY CABARET
Sexy aerialists, burlesquers, comedians, drag kings and queens, et cetera! Columbia City Theatre, 4916 Rainier Ave S, no reservations required. $10–$15 (21+ w/ID required). Fri at 9 pm. Through Dec 30.

EAST MEETS WEST
One night only. Burlesquers from Tokyo and a 2004 Whitney Biennial performance artists/stripper. Catwalk, 172 Washington St, www.catwalkclub.com/advtix.html. $18. Fri Dec 9 at 10 pm.

recommended MOISTURE FESTIVAL HOLIDAY BENEFIT SHOW
One weekend only. A comedy/varietè show featuring Berlin clown Hacki Ginda, San Francisco vaudevillian Frank Olivier, members of Circus Contraption, UMO, and more! Hale's Palladium at Hales's Brewery, 4301 Leary Way NW, 770-7602. $5–$20. Fri Dec 9 at 9 pm, Sat Dec 10 at 8 pm.

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY BUY
One night only. Cabaret and arts auction to benefit Macha Monkey. Freehold East Hall Theatre, 1525 10th Ave, www.machamonkey.org. Free. Sat Dec 10 at 8 pm.

IMPROV & COMEDY

KYLE CEASE at Comedy Underground, 222 Main St, 800-325-7328. $15 (21+ w/ID required). Fri at 8:30 and 10:30 pm. TODD SAWYER at Giggles Comedy Club, 5220 Roosevelt Way NE, 526-5653. $12. Fri–Sat at 8:30 and 10 pm. JET CITY IMPROV at Historic University Theater, 5510 University Way NE, 325-6500. $8–$10. Fri at 10:30 pm, Sat at 8 and 10:30 pm. Fri–Sat at 8:30 and 10 pm. THEATRESPORTS at Market Theater, 1428 Post Alley, 781-9273. $8–$12. Sun at 7 pm. UNHINGED at Mirabeau Room, 529 Queen Anne Ave N. $6. Wed at 8 pm.

LATE NIGHT

recommended CARLOTTA'S LATE NIGHT WING DING
"Late night talk show/comedy matron Carlotta Sue Philpott is back, along with her supporting cast of eccentrics, from a Cuban Amway salesman to Tennesseans who love Jesus, coleslaw, and George W. (in that order)." (Brendan Kiley) Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, www.brownpapertickets.com. $12 adv/$10 DOS. Fri–Sat at 10:30 pm. Through Dec 17.

A VERY SPECIAL MONEY AND RUN WINTER SEASON SPECIAL
Final week. "The Money and Run franchise is looking a little wan these days. There are still slow-motion fight scenes, a power-rock soundtrack, and occasional great one-liners, but it was harder than ever to get wrapped up in the story and characters." (Brendan Kiley) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave,www.schmeater.org. $12. Fri–Sat at 11 pm. Through Dec 10.

SPECIAL EVENTS

SHORT STORIES LIVE!
One night only. Stories by Grace Paley and Dylan Thomas. Town Hall, 1119 Eighth Ave, 652-4255. $13–$16 adv/$15–$18 DOS. Mon Dec 12 at 7:30 pm.

WONDERFUL LIFE PANEL DISCUSSION
One night only. The history of 608 19th Ave E with Michael Seiwerath (NWFF), Matthew Richter (Studio 608), and others who've inhabited the building. WET at the Little Theatre, 608 19th Ave E, 800-838-3006. Free with admission to Wonderful Life. Thurs Dec 8, following the performance.