OPENING THIS WEEK

CLUE THE MUSICAL · ArtsWest

IN IT FOR THE MONEY · Odd Duck Studio

JOYFUL NOISE · Taproot Theatre

LITTLE MURDERS · Seattle Public Theatre

ROOM · On the Boards

THE SERVANT OF TWO MASTERS · Intiman Theatre

SNOOPY!!! THE MUSICAL · SecondStory Repertory

TWILIGHT ZONE LIVE · Theater Schmeater

ONE WEEK ONLY

AN UNCENSORED CELEBRATION · Broadway Performance Hall

THE BOYS NEXT DOOR · Kirkland Performance Center

CABARET MADHOUSE · Rain Dancer Restaurant

MEN OF CLUB CASANOVA TOUR 2001 · Re-bar

RAGGING THE HALL · Hokum Hall

SCURVY · Sickled Cell Theatre

CLOSING THIS WEEK

7 BLONDES · Crepe de Paris

A SUBWAY FARCE · Northwest Actors Studio

THE DANUBE · Defibrillator Productions

EVERYDAY · LeGendre Performance

HERBERT MATTHEWS GOES TO THE SIERRA · Printer's Devil Theatre

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

A LITTLE NIGHT MUSIC

Co-produced by A Contemporary Theatre. The musical responsible for "Send in the Clowns"--lush romanticism or trite trash? Discuss. Featuring Hayley Mills, former child star of The Parent Trap and Polyanna. Gosh, she was cute. *sigh* The 5th Ave Theatre, 1308 5th Ave, 292-ARTS. $18-$58. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7:30. Through Oct 14.

A SUBWAY FARCE

Social misfits trapped on a subway that won't stop. "In [playwright Anthony] Curry's hands, the play veers as wildly as the runaway car, entering a weird territory of political allegory that kind of works, though it takes some confusing turns along the way." (Stacey Levine) Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 324-6328. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Fri-Sat at 8. Through Sept 29.

ANOTHER AMERICAN: ASKING AND TELLING

Marc Wolf's one-man docudrama culled from interviews on the American military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Seattle Repertory Theatre, 155 Mercer St, 443-2222. $31-$44 ($10 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30, Sat-Sun at 2. Through Oct 26.

CLUE THE MUSICAL

They don't even have the common decency to use a comma in the name of this production. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $14-$20, $10 for students under 25 on weekdays and during matinees. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, 3 pm matinees on Oct 6, 14, 20. Through Oct 20.

THE DANUBE

Reviewed this issue. Maria Irene Fornes' elliptical tale of nuclear and environmental decay, filtered through a Hungarian language instruction tape. Defibrillator Productions at the space above the Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 3rd floor, 931-5629. $12 general, $8 students (pay what you can Wed). Wed-Thurs at 8, Fri-Sat at 10. Through Sept 29.

THE GIN GAME

Two nursing home residents play gin rummy to combat loneliness. "A card game becomes a metaphor for life," says the press release. Back when you were knee-high to a grasshopper, this won the Pulitzer Prize. Features a catered dinner. RipTide Dinner Theatre at ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-9793. $26. Fri-Sat at 7 pm for dinner, 8 pm show (also Sun on Oct 7 & 14). Through Oct 20.

HERBERT MATTHEWS GOES TO THE SIERRA

Reviewed this issue. A damn charming new rock musical from Herbert Bergel. Printer's Devil Theatre at various venues: University Library (w/ Peter Parker) on Fri Sept 28; Richard Hugo House (w/ assorted short performances from Printer's Devil) on Sat Sept 29. Times and ticket prices will vary by venue. The Hugo House performance will be pay-what-you-will and will include a children's matinee. Go to www.printersdevil.org or call 860-7163 for complete information. Through Sept 29.

* I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE PERFECT, NOW CHANGE

A musical revue described by some reviewer as "Seinfeld set to music." He said it, I didn't. "Like the majority of musical revues, I Love You... forsakes plot for vibrato, character development for bouncy jingles, and story line for "jazz hands." Sixty-five percent of it will evaporate from your mind the second the houselights come up. But the remaining 35% makes this show worth seeing.... Mostly frilly, sometimes fun, but ultimately forgettable first-date fare." (Adrian Ryan) Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 325-6500. $23-$25. Fri-Sat at 8. Through Oct 6.

IN IT FOR THE MONEY

See Bio Box. A bunch of skits and songs about everything from ukuleles to Nazis, from the guys who brought you the Tumbling Tumbo Brothers. Featuring two members of the late lamented Kings' Elephant Theatre. Tumbo Productions at Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 440-0314. $12, pay-what-you-can on Thurs. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through Oct 13.

JOHNNY TREMAIN

A young silversmith loses his job and starts throwing tea into Boston Harbor. Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $14.50-$22.50. Fri at 7, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30. Through Oct 27.

JOYFUL NOISE

The creation of Handel's Messiah. Sort of an 18th-century episode of Behind the Music. Taproot Theatre, 204 N. 85th St, 781-9707. $17-$25. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 2. Through Oct 27. (Starting Oct 5, NightCap Comedy Improv plays after every Friday show at 10:15. $5.)

LADY CHATTERLEY'S LOVER

Featuring naked people tucking flowers into each other's pubic hair--or at least Book-It's original production did. Book-It at the New Performance Studio, Seattle Center House, 325-6500. $19 general, $17.25 seniors/groups ($15 students on Thurs & Sun). Thurs-Sat at 7:30, Sun at 2. Through Oct 7.

LITTLE MURDERS

See Stranger Suggests. Jules Feiffer's darkly comic examination of random violence. Perhaps the most appropriate play that could be performed right now. Seattle Public Theatre, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $14-$19. Wed-Thurs at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sun at 2. Through Oct 28.

OUR COUNTRY'S GOOD

Reviewed this issue. Australian convicts in the late 1700s put on a show. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12 (anyone under 18 gets in free). Thurs-Sat at 8, Sun matinee on Sept 30 at 2. Through Oct 13.

ROOM

A solo piece inspired by Virginia Woolf, from theater whiz Anne Bogart. On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $22 Wed/Thurs/Sun, $24 Fri-Sat. Wed-Sun at 8 (opens Oct 3). Through Oct 14.

THE SERVANT OF TWO MASTERS

See Stranger Suggests. The classic farce, featuring a knockout cast of local talent. Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $30-$42, $10 for anyone 25 or under. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2 (additional 2 pm show on Wed, Oct 24). Through Oct 27.

SCURVY

When a ship is lost at sea, the survivors lose sight of reality and start beating each other's brains out. An exploration of the human shortcomings of a violent society, with some laughs guaranteed. Sickled Cell Theatre at the Chamber Theater, 915 E Pine St, 4th floor, 726-9943. $8. Thurs-Sat at 8, this weekend only.

* STRAIGHT

The Stranger's own David Schmader whips out his smart and witty exploration of conversion therapy. Northwest Asian-American Theater, 409 7th Ave S, 340-1049. $12. Fri-Sat at 7:30. Through Oct 6.

UNFAIR ARGUMENTS WITH EXISTENCE/ROUTINES

A collection of short theater pieces by aging Beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti, who recently tried to get into the panties of a friend of mine--but that's another story. Directed by Vincent "Kerouac: The Essence of Jack" Balestri. A Theatre Under the Influence at the Union Garage, 1416 10th Ave, 720-1942. $12, pay what you can Thurs. Thurs-Sat at 8. Through Oct 6.

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES

Movie stars from Meryl Streep to Whoopi Goldberg have been lining up to perform Eve Ensler's smart, funny, and touching monologues. We're getting Tracey Leigh and Amy Love, who are no doubt perfectly talented, but maybe not worth $46. The Moore Theatre, Virginia & 2nd, 292-ARTS. $26-$46. Tues-Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2, Sun at 7. Through Oct 7.

* WHAT HAPPENED WAS...

Tom Noonan's play about a date gone horribly awry. The performance includes a three-course meal. "Actors Kady Douglas and NYC transplant Thomas Hewitt Brooks both imbue their parts with vibrant energy, and while the mismatched pair eat dinner (at a table shared by two audience members who can observe the actors literally at arm's length), we see how lonely and screwed up they are." (Stacey Levine) Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29. Fri-Sat, dinner starts at 6:30, show follows. Through Oct 6.

DANCE

* EVERYDAY

Amii LeGendre remounts three popular works: Molt, Salvation, and Sissy. "There's a restless geometry at work, and LeGendre uses every one of the possible 360 degrees of orientation....With so many more dancers to keep track of, I'm in spectator overdrive." (Barley Blair) LeGendre Performance at Velocity MainSpace, 915 E Pine St, 2nd floor, 325-6141. $14 at the door, $12 students/seniors/in advance. Fri-Sun at 8, this weekend only.

GISELLE

Insane peasant girl dies and comes back to haunt her noble lover. Sort of the Stephen King novel of ballets. The American Ballet Theatre at the Paramount Theatre, 9th & Pine, 292-ARTS. $20-$100. Wed-Fri at 7:30, Sat at 8, Sat-Sun at 2. Through Sept 30.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

7 BLONDES

A tribute to blond icons, ranging from Marilyn Monroe to Britney Spears, performed by Sunny. "It was tragically apparent that this entire show and perhaps poor Sunny herself are merely three-dimensional advertisements for the vacuous schlock that Greg Thompson parades upon the slick stages of casinos and cruise ships." (Tamara Paris) Greg Thompson Productions at the Crepe de Paris, Rainier Square, 1531 Fifth Ave, 623-4111. $20 for the show alone, $49 with dinner. Thurs-Sun at 9. Through Sept 30.

AN UNCENSORED CELEBRATION

See Stranger Suggests. Readings from books that have been censored at one time or another, featuring the friendly folk from Book-It and the ACLU. Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 624-2184. Free (donations gratefully accepted). Thursday at 7:30, this week only.

CABARET MADHOUSE

A new variety show, happening the first Monday of every month. Featuring Jet City improv, the Chris Stanley Band, Muskrat Lunch, and more. Rain Dancer Restaurant, 4217 University Way, 634-2433. Free. Mon at 9, this week only.

CAMPFIRE

Long form improvisation, based on audience experiences with unexplained--i.e. spooooooky!--phenomena. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, Post Alley below the Pike St. Market, 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8. Through Oct 27.

COMEDY COURT

Improv comedy. University Heights Center, 5031 University Way NE, 442-2044. $7 general, $5 students. First and third Friday of each month at 7:30. Through Nov 16.

MEN OF CLUB CASANOVA TOUR 2001

A drag king extravaganza, featuring Mo B. Dick and "female impersonator" World Famous *BOB*. Re-bar, 1114 Howell, 683-8694. $10. Thurs-Fri at 8, this weekend only.

RAGGING THE HALL

The Three Ragtimers: Professor Hokum Jeebs, Dan Grinstead, and Eric Shoemaker. Hokum Hall, 7904 35th Ave SW, 937-3613. $14 general, $12 student/senior ($2 discount with a phone reservation, but not for table seats). Fri-Sat at 8, this weekend only.

LATE NIGHT

MR. FRUMPYPANTS AND THE FREAKYDINKS

Perverse puppet theater from the overheated brain of Cory Jess Nealy and James L. Martin II. Serious Dogs Productions at the Union Garage, 1418 10th Ave, 444-4315. $7. Fri-Sat at 11. Through Oct 6.

TWILIGHT ZONES LIVE

Two classic episodes--To Serve Man and The Grave--done up in patented Schmeater style. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $8. Fri-Sat at 11 (Thurs, Sept 27, is a pay-what-you-can preview at 11). Through Oct 13.

LONG RUNS

CABARET: THE RESURRECTION at Coffee Messiah, 861-8233.

JET CITY IMPROV at ArtsWest, 938-0339; at University Heights Center, 781-3879.

LATE NIGHT CATECHISM from Seattle Theatre Project at A Contemporary Theatre, 292-7676.

MYSTERIAN at Illusionz Magical Entertainment Center, Issaquah, (425) 427-2444.

QUEER AS A THREE DOLLAR BILL at the Comedy Underground, (800) 992-8499.

THEATERSPORTS at the Market Theater, 781-9273.