OPENING THIS WEEK

CHRISTMAS IN BABYLON · The Little Theatre

CROUCHING ELVES, HIDDEN PACKAGES (THE MUSICAL) · Pork Filled Players

I LOVE BEING ABROAD · Thumpers

OWEN MEANY'S CHRISTMAS PAGEANT · Book-It

ONE WEEK ONLY

GBEPLE: THE SPIRIT OF UNION · Gansango Dance Company

GIFT OF DANCE · Kaleidoscope Dance Company

SPIN THE BOTTLE · Annex Theatre

SUCKA NITE · Sunset Tavern

VOICES · SD Prism Dance Theatre

YIDDISH EROTICA · Re-bar

CLOSING THIS WEEK

OBJECTS & UNDERWEAR · Northwest Actors Studio

THE UMBILICAL BROTHERS · The Moore Theatre

OPENING AND CURRENT RUNS

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens. A Contemporary Theatre, 700 Union St, 292-7676. $21-$32. Tues-Sat at 7 pm, Fri at 9:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm, Sun at 6 pm (but there are many irregularities, particularly toward the end of the run, so call ahead). Through Dec 23.

APPALACHIAN CHRISTMAS HOMECOMING

The holiday deluge: Forbidden hillbilly love. Taproot Theatre, 204 N 85th St, 781-9707. $18-$26. Wed-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat at 2 pm. Through Dec 29.

* THE BEARD OF AVON

A comedy about the "Was Shakespeare really Shakespeare?" controversy. "Though the whole may not fully gel, the play takes flight when [playwriting collaborators] De Vere and Shaksper go head to head, fighting with and inspiring each other in turns, acting as two voices in a single consciousness." (Bret Fetzer) Seattle Repertory Theatre, Second Ave & Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$39. Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 22.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER

The holiday deluge: Cute kids goof up. Kill me now. The Bathhouse Theater, 7312 W Green Lake Dr N, 325-6500. $12 adults, $8 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 30.

BLACK NATIVITY: A GOSPEL SONG PLAY

The holiday deluge: The African American version. Intiman Theatre, 201 Mercer St, 269-1900. $40 adults, $30 seniors/students/group rate, $15 "young people" (i.e., under 16). Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 23.

* CHERRY CHERRY LEMON

All about girls and sex, with Keira McDonald's Showerhead as an appetizer. "[Playwright Keri] Healey's script is both forceful and delicate, knowing and curious, wise without arrogance. It's also hilariously frank, but an undergirding sadness makes the laughs empathetic, and therefore all the heartier." (Sean Nelson) Re-bar, 1114 Howell Ave, 323-0388. $12. Sat ONLY at 8 pm. EXTENDED through Dec 15.

CHRISTMAS IN BABYLON

See Stranger Suggests. The holiday deluge: Fun with translation machines. The Little Theatre, 608 19th Ave E, 329-2629. $12 general, $10 NW Film Forum members. Thurs-Sun at 8 pm, Fri-Sat at 10 pm. Through Dec 16..

THE HOBOKEN CHICKEN EMERGENCY

The conflict between small-town small-mindedness and a giant chicken. A musical. Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 441-3322. $14.50-$22.50. Fri at 7 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 & 5:30 pm. Through Jan 5.

THE HOTHOUSE

The holiday deluge: I didn't know there was such a thing as "Harold Pinter's zany holiday classic," but that's how the press release describes this show. Liberty Deli, 2722 Alki Ave SW, 935-8420. $29 ($15 show only, tickets limited). Fri-Sat and selected Sun; dinner at 6:30 pm, show starts at 7:30 pm. Through Dec 29.

INSPECTING CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens + Gogol. Seattle Repertory Theatre, Second Ave & Mercer St, 443-2222. $15-$44 ($20 for anyone under 25). Tues-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 30.

* THE LARAMIE PROJECT

A documentary theater piece about the killing of Matthew Shepard. "The script is intelligent, complex, and artful; almost every member of the nine person ensemble cast is excellent... and Chay Yew's direction provides some of the most visually arresting moments of theater I've seen in Seattle in a long time." (Rebecca Brown) The Empty Space at the Eve Alvord Theatre in the Seattle Children's Theatre, Seattle Center, 547-7500. $22-$30 ($10 for anyone 25 and under, seniors 1/2 price). Tues-Thurs at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 7 pm (2 pm matinees on Dec 2, 9, & 15). Through Dec 15.

THE NUTCRACKER PUPPET BALLET

The holiday deluge: Ballerinas on strings. The Carter Family Marionettes at Northwest Puppet Center, 9123 15th Ave NE, 523-2579. $8.50 adults, $7 seniors, $6.50 children. Fri at 7:30 pm, Sat-Sun at 1 & 3 pm. Through Dec 23.

OBJECTS & UNDERWEAR

Reviewed this issue. A nonverbal theater piece. The selling point seems to be that everyone's in their panties. New Work Ensemble at Northwest Actors Studio, 1100 E Pike St, 789-4307. $10 general, $8 students/seniors. Fri-Sat at 8 pm, closes Dec 8.

OWEN MEANY'S CHRISTMAS PAGEANT

The holiday deluge: Children can be cranky too. Book-It at North Seattle Community College's Stage One Theater, 9600 College Way N, 325-6500. $19 general, $17.50 book clubs, $17.25 students/seniors/groups (Fri-Sat), $15 students/senior (Thurs/Sun). Thurs-Sun at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm (also Sat Dec 22 at 2 pm).

THE PRINCE & THE PAUPER

Reviewed this issue. A new musical of the Mark Twain story. The 5th Ave Theatre, 1308 Fifth Ave, 292-ARTS. $18-$58. Tues-Sat at 8, Sun at 7:30 pm (Dec 9), Sat-Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 15.

PULP VIXENS

The holiday deluge: Pseudo-lesbian noir Catholic schoolgirl Christmas stories. Northwest Asian American Theatre, 409 7th Ave S, 340-1049. $12 general, $10 students/seniors. Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 4 pm. Through Dec 24.

* SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK

A new dysfunctional family comedy by John Moe. "Because it so successfully tapped into my pathetic, pot- and-'just-tryin-to-make-it'-influenced Seattleite soul, I am appropriately hard-pressed to give it a 'review.' The acting can seem insecure, but this is the fiber of the Northwest characters they portray. The script can be predictable, but it's just tryin' to do its thing. It's not bad. Hey, who am I to judge?" (Brian Goedde) Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 325-6500. $12. Thurs-Sat at 8 pm (also Sun Dec 9 at 2 pm). Through Dec 14.

THERESE RAQUIN

A new adaptation of the Emile Zola thriller. The Shunpike Arts Collective at the Odd Duck Studio, 1214 10th Ave, 484-8451. $10. Fri-Sat at 8, through Dec 15.

A VERY REGGIE X-MAS/THE TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS... ON ICE!

Reviewed this issue. The holiday deluge: Splitting the weekend, Reggie Watts & Co. (Thurs-Fri) and Jason Trachtenburg & Family (Sat-Sun). On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, 217-9888. $10 for each show. Through Dec 16.

VOICES OF CHRISTMAS

The holiday deluge: Multicultural heartwarmingness. ArtsWest, 4711 California Ave SW, 938-0339. $10-$24. Tues-Thurs & Sun at 7:30 pm, Fri-Sat at 8, Sat at 3 pm; Mon Dec 24 at 7:30 pm. Through 24.

WHAT I TELL YOU IN DARKNESS

A new play by Stuart Greenman (Silence, Cunning, Exile), about the birth of televangelism. "Clumsy staging doesn't rise to the challenges of Greenman's script.... A little more showmanship, and a little less humanity, might have actually shed more light on the world of Darkness." (Bret Fetzer) Golden Fish Theatre at Richard Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, 528-0158. $18. Thur-Sat at 8 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Through Dec 16.

DANCE

GIFT OF DANCE

The holiday deluge: As danced by kids ages 8 to 14. Kaleidoscope at Roosevelt High School, 1410 NE 66th St, 363-7281. $3 adults, $2 children/seniors. Sun at 2 pm, this weekend only.

GBEPLE: THE SPIRIT OF UNION

Dance and music from West Africa. Gansango Dance Company at the Seattle Art Museum Auditorium, 100 University St, 654-3121. $12 general, $10 SAM members. Sat-Sun at 3 pm, this weekend only.

NUTCRACKER

The holiday deluge: The deeply Freudian children's tale, en pointe. Pacific Northwest Ballet at Seattle Center Opera House, 301 Mercer St, 292-ARTS. $15-$84. Sat at 2 & 7:30 pm, Sun at 1 & 5:30 pm, weekday shows start on Dec 7; the schedule is a little erratic, so call in advance. Through Dec 27.

VOICES

A benefit for Rise n' Shine, an organization that supports kids whose lives have been affected by HIV/AIDS. SD Prism Dance Theatre at the Broadway Performance Hall, 1625 Broadway, 325-6500. $20. Fri-Sat at 7:30, this weekend only.

FESTIVALS, CABARET, & COMEDY

A(N IMPROVISED) CHRISTMAS CAROL

The holiday deluge: Dickens with audience suggestions. Unexpected Productions at the Market Theatre, 1428 Post Alley (below Pike Place Market), 781-9273. $10. Fri-Sat at 8 pm. Through Dec 22.

HOLIDAY HIT PARADE

The holiday deluge: Gay men singing. Seattle Men's Chorus at Benaroya Hall, Third Ave between Union and University, 323-2992. $12.50-$32. Dec 9, 10, 15, 17, 23 at assorted times; call for details. Through Dec 23.

SUCKA NITE

See Stranger Suggests. Stop-motion animation--live! Candypants at the Sunset Tavern, 5433 Ballard Ave NW, 784-4880. $7. Thurs at 8:30 pm. This week only.

THE UMBILICAL BROTHERS

Two Aussies. They are not actually brothers. The Moore Theatre, Second & Virginia, 292-ARTS. $21-$33.50. Tues-Fri at 8 pm, Sat at 5 & 9 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 9.

YIDDISH EROTICA

See Stranger Suggests. Erotic dreidl-spinning. Re-bar, 1114 Howell Ave, 323-0388. $15. Mon-Tues at 8 pm, this week only.

LATE NIGHT

CROUCHING ELVES, HIDDEN PACKAGES (THE MUSICAL)

This is the last "Crouching X, Hidden Y" title I will allow in my theater calendar. That damn movie is over a year old. Get current. Multicultural sketch comedy from Pork Filled Players at Theatre Off Jackson, 409 Seventh Ave S, 365-0282. $8 general, $6 student, $5 groups. Fri-Sat at 10:30 pm, Sun at 7 pm. Through Dec 23.

MONEY & RUN, EPISODE 1

They're remounting all the early episodes with an all-new cast. I pity the fool who tries to fill Julie Rawley's shoes. Theater Schmeater, 1500 Summit Ave, 324-5801. $10 (under 18 free). Thurs-Sat at 11 pm. Through Dec 15.

SPIN THE BOTTLE

Annex's monthly performance cornucopia. Featuring Seattle's newest sweetheart, Anna Saskia. Annex Theatre at Velocity MainSpace, 915 E Pine St, 2nd floor, 728-0933. $5. Fri at 11 pm, this weekend only.