Thursday, Sept 21
8:30 NBC THE OFFICE
Season premiere! Michael accidentally outs Oscar—bringing down a gay jihad on his head.
Friday, Sept 22
8:00 CBS GHOST WHISPERER
Season premiere! The ghosts stage an intervention with Melinda, begging her to start SPEAKING UP.
Saturday, Sept 23
9:00 SCI KRAKEN: TENTACLES OF THE DEEP—Movie
(2006) Undersea scientists are terrorized by a giant hiphop squid, who keeps asking them to "get it crackin'!"
Monday, Sept 25
9:00 NBC HEROES
Debut! Ordinary people develop superpowers—and yet what happens when I try to get bitten by a radioactive spider? ZILCH.
Tuesday, Sept 26
8:00 CW GILMORE GIRLS
Season premiere! After a blowout with Luke, hot MILF Lorelai hops in the sack with Christopher.
Wednesday, Sept 27
8:00 CBS JERICHO
With a nuclear fallout cloud on the way, Jake improvises a makeshift shelter out of duct tape and condoms.
Go on back to your slut. steve@thestranger.com